Saturday, October 4, 2014

Weekend Wackiness

And Life's Full Circle. . 

Thank you, N.P.


Thank you, fishducky.


Rehab Exercise For senior Men

My doctor started me on a rehab exercise program.
I am walking with a walking therapist every day.
I never knew walking with someone else was such
an incentive.
We don't talk much during the walk, though.
My therapist walks about 10 feet ahead of me and
sets the pace, as directed by my doctor.

So far, I have followed her for 27 miles without even using my cane!
I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition,
my blood pressure and my breathing seem to be improving.
I now just have to remember the way to get home!

Thanks again, fishducky!


Hope you're enjoying the weekend!


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Weekend Wackiness

Juvenile Delinquents?

A policeman brought four boys before a judge. 

"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.

"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. 

Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."

"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy. 


Motorcycle Mishap

Two guys were driving down the road on a motorcycle.  The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.
Finally, he stopped the bike and told his passenger, "I can't drive any more with the air hitting me in the chest."

After a bit of thinking, he decided to put the jacket on backwards to block the air from hitting him.  They continued on down the road, came around a curve, lost control, and crashed.  

A farmer who lived nearby called the police and told them what happened.

The police asked, "Is either one of them showing any signs of life?"

The farmer answered, "Well that first one was until I turned his head around the right way."


Thanks, fishducky for those first two!


Bad Idea!

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower. " What do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I must have married you for your money," his wife answered.


The Joke's on Us!

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world. . . . .

. . . . .then He made the earth round and He just laughed and laughed and laughed.....


Thank you J.W. for the last two!


Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!


Friday, September 26, 2014

If My Body Were A Car...

If my body were a car, this is the time I'd be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull.

But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.  I slip and slide and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed, and my fuel burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it:

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,

Either my radiator leaks, or my exhaust backfires!


Thank you to J. W.



Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Three Boobs??

Jasmine Tridevil claims to have paid $20,000 to have a third breast suggically implanted between her two real ones.  Why?  She is done dating and wants to make herself unattractive to men, and also because she wants to have her own reality show on MTV.

Makes sense to me---men who drool over the cleavage of a two-titted temptress are bound to be turned off by a three-boobed babe!  Heaven knows back fat isn't a big hit with the guys, nor is a spare tire, nor love handles.

She says she had to call 50 or 60 plastic surgeons before she found one who was willing to "boost" her bust-line, and then only if he remained anonymous.  You'd think he'd want his name publicized so the hordes of hootchi mamas who desire a trio of 'tatas" would know who to call!

Snopes, that well-known debunker of urban legends did some research and found that a woman by the name of Alisha Jasmine Hester (whose facebook photos closely resemble Jasmine Tridevil] reported her luggage missing at the Tampa, Florida airport.  When it was found, a report of the contents listed among her personal belongings in the bag was a three-breasted prosthesis.  

Must be a coincidence, right?

Somehow, I doubt she'll be having a reality show any time soon.