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Monday, August 24, 2009

Almost Famous


I don’t know how the word got out. I mean, I thought my writing was pretty much the world’s best kept secret. Well, okay, I did start this blog back on June 1st, and maybe I have had few pieces published on line at Associated Content, but they’ll pretty much publish anything you’ll submit. Hmmm.

Oh, wait a minute! I have had a couple of poems published by the Poet’s Literary Guild—or something like that. You know, they’re the ones where you submit something, and then they’re all, “Oh, you are such a gifted writer that your work has been selected for publication in our wonderful tome, Great Poets of America. You can have your own hard bound copy for only $59.95! This beautiful, leather-bound volume with gold leaf trim will be yours, so you can brag to your friends: ‘See I’m a published poet!’”

Then they go on to invite you to their annual conference, where they would like you to stand before hundreds of your fellow poets and read your works. (Note: Conference registration cost, $350; travel to, and lodging in Peoria, Illinois are your expense… but really that’s just a pittance, when you consider the thrill of seeing your work published in a beautiful leather-bound volume, and the acclaim of your peers at the National Poets Conference!)”

Then you submit something that you know is a total piece of crap, and you get the same “congratulations” letter and invitation again, and you realize it’s pretty much a scam, ‘cause they’ll obviously publish anything, when there are yahoos out there who’ll fork over sixty bucks just to see their name in print, and another three hundred fifty plus expenses for the privilege of standing in front of a whole crowd of equally gullible yahoos and reading their sad attempts at verse.

Could someone at Esquire magazine been one of the said yahoos and decided to feature me in this month’s issue?? Or maybe I’m delusional… not enough sleep and too much humidity in the air, and that’s really Elizabeth Taylor on that magazine cover! Your eyes can play tricks on you when you’re sleep-deprived!

21 comments:

Jen said...

Great blog....a winner in my book, Eva! Good job!!!! I didn't know you made the cover....what year was that???...lol

Farmgirl Paints said...

Even if I could be famous...don't know if I would want that. Can you imagine going to the grocery store with people jumping out to take pictures of you? NIGHTMARE:) Stoppin' by from SITS.

MiMi said...

I love that picture!
I'm so glad I never submitted anything to that place, I would have fallen for it for sure. I'd have been the top yahoo! How embarras-king.

Stephanie Faris said...

Cute!!! It sounds like your writing career is going very well. Poet's Literary Guild, writer's conferences? Keep going, you're on fire!

mzbehavin said...

Maybe I should them my absolutley about nothing post........ I could rename it "Ode To A Cervix".......

Spammers, Scammers, and Hocksters.....

Live in fear......

Steven Anthony said...

You are famous to me:)

Great blog, gosh you always make me smile:)

Vodka Logic said...

Funny and right on for spreading the word.
x

wearsinappropriateshoes said...

How great!

Miss Madras said...

Thanks for stopping by my site! I love your blog design. This post is funny! I always thought the Poets Literary Guild was a bit of a scam.

natalee said...

Eva.. I'm so happy my google issue is over and I can comment now.. I love the picture.. I laughed so hard...

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Congrats on making Esquire! :) From the look on the gentleman's face, perusing the magazine, it seems he's found your centerfold and is staring misty-eyed at your boobular region. Hee!

Entrepreneur Chick said...

How did you DO that?! Your pictures are as fun as your posts! (I knew a writer once, who always took issue with the fact that writing was all "marketing and a business, not real literature" but- writing is about selling books, and selling books is: a business.) This book deal I told you about- they want to make sure what I write is going to sell before they even consider publishing me. I get it.

glnroz said...

well you aint no scram,, I mean scam. keep 'em coming,, lol,,

Kat Harris said...

And I've been trying to get on the cover for years now! :-)

TanishaRenee said...

oh my gosh, you are too funny! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Katie said...

That is so funny! And scams like those are why I tell my students that being able to read between the lines (aka critical thinking skills) is important. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Dee said...

But we know that you are the real deal Eva.

Alicia said...

lol...love the cover!! you're famous to me!! i'm still waiting to hear the rest of the story about the single gal who goes to the country dancing singles nights!

Wifey said...

Great post! You make a way better cover than Ms. Taylor.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

La Belle Mere UK said...

Loving that Esquire cover! Good work.

I have something for you funny lady. Come and see my blog today. www.labellemereuk.blogspot.com.

LBM xxxx

jules said...

Great post! That is just wrong to publish people and then force them to purchase the book!!!

Love your esquire cover though! Good work! :-) You made me smile this morning!