Monday, December 14, 2009

Dealing with the "F word.

This is a delicate topic, but one with which I felt compelled to deal.  There are a number of reasons for this and I'll try to explain them, hopefully without offense to anyone.  All of us suffer from the problem at one time or another.  Research shows that this time of year is the busiest in terms of the F-word.

I'm talking about flatulence--where was your mind??  Holiday eating, especially partaking of turkey, brussels sprouts, broccoli, beer, nuts, bran, and rich sauces and gravies can cause the digestive process to produce gases which the body must expel one way or another.  This can be embarrassing in social situations.  One way to deal with it is to blame it on the dog!  The pooch can't rat on you, and in most cases, well-mannered folks won't dispute your claim.  Of course, if you don't have a dog, it can be a little tricky; you may want to look into borrowing or renting a pet for those holiday get-togethers.  Or, let your invited guests know that "Rover" is welcome, too.  (To confirm your sincerity, you may want to gift-wrap a ttreat for Rover and place it under the tree with other gifts.)

The F-problem can cause great inconvenince as well.  On December 6, 2006, an American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing when flight attendants smelled smoke.  A resulting search and interrogation of passengers resulted in a female admitting to having lit a couple of matches to cover the odor of her passed gas.  (Talk about dropping the F-bomb!)

There are products available on the market that eliminate fart odor. The website offers such a product. (I apologize for having used the four-letter F-word!)  I felt I should share that information, so no one else 'lights up" while in the skies!

The sad news I have for all you young 'uns out there is that as we age, flatulence becomes more of a problem.  Foods that may have had little or no effect on you in your youth may not be tolerated by your digestive system as easily, and your intestines have a way of making their discomfort known.

Why am I expounding on this delicate subject, you may ask.  It's important that everyone be made aware of increased flatulence as we age, because as a society we are aging.  With increased longevity comes the likelihood that the numbers of seniors amoung us will continue to increase.  Were you aware, that the Supreme Court has ruled  that flatulence contributes to global warming and that the EPA has propsed a tax be levied on farmers at a rate of $175 per dairy cow?  Sure it's just a proposal now, but if bovine butts are in danger of taxation, can human butts be far behind?


Serendipity said...

The dog always gets the blame here too!

Kristina P. said...

I wish we had a dog to blame it on. ever since my crazy stomach problems over the summer, my gas has been out of control!

Jen said...

Ha...Ha! Good to know!!

Steven Anthony said...

I always carry beano, but when something does slip out, my pooch chin and I have a deal, he knows if he takes the blaim there will be a steak in it for him;)


glnroz said...

Now I never knew about any of this. Now I will have to "google" and do some research. Reckon? lol

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I have chihuahua's and thye like to lay on my shoulders or around my neck and sometimes they are to blame. who knew something so small could smell so bad.

Cinnamon-Girl Reeni♥ said...

We blame it on the dog too - and sometimes the cat if the dog isn't around! That's so funny about the airplane!

The Little Jewelry Box said...

The dog gets the blame at my house too! But it's usually my husband, LOL!

UberGrumpy said...

I always brazen it out with the ole' 'Pull My Finger' routine.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I, for one, can't wait to see a "Fart Tax" mentioned on my W2. Or to have the IRS chase me down for Fart Tax Evasion. Because really, prove I owe it. My bottom emits only the scent of freshly cut flowers.

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Hee hee...this is a riot! A Gas Tax... :)

They'd make a mint off of my husband.

The Good Cook said...

I am of the "Girls Don't Fart" club - no way, no how. Must be the dog, son, husband, spiders - but no way, no how, was it a girl.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

...This public service message brought to you by beano and gas-x.

My name is PJ. said...

You wrote an excellent post on flatulence. (I never thought I'd type that sentence in this lifetime.)

We have a bunch of dogs.....but we also have a bunch of Bean-o.

"Take Bean-o before and there'll be no gas."

The Retired One said...

Geez,Eva...that was a pretty stinky subject. :-}

lakeviewer said...

Oh this would be funny, if it were not so sad. Someone will figure a way to make money out of this condition.

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Our bodily functions become more and more important as we age. There's really nothing funnier than a toot, is there?

Eva Gallant said...

Serendipity: good plan!

Kristen: The general consensus seems to be "Beano!"

Jen: Glad to help!

Steven: good to know about the beano; and bribing the dog is a good idea!

Glen: Google was my source.

Queen Size: That's what my Hubby used to say about me before I gained weight!

Reeni: totally unfair to blame the cat for what the dog did!

Rachel: Your husband may want to take a cue from Steven and slip the dog an occasional gratitude steak! lol

Uber: People still fall for that?

Veg: I take it you've visited

Good Cook: I agree--girls never do! But grannies? that's a whole other story!

Girl with Flour: shh....don't give the SOBs any ideas!

Blissed: I almost forgot about Gas-X!

PJ: Do you feed beano to the dogs?

Retired: I apologize for the odorous topic!

Lake: There's also a charcoal filter pad that adhere's to the flatulators underwear!

Lucy: Sorta depends on the time and the place!

Unknown Mami said...

I'm lucky because my farts smell like roses.

tattytiara said...

I trust that with all the baby boomers aging one generation ahead of mine, they'll have all unpleasantries like excessive flatulence cured by the time I'm old enough for it to be an issue. Don't let us down, guys, Generation X is counting on you!

ethelmaepotter! said...

My hope is that, instead of taxing our increasing flatulence, some genius will find a way to harness that gas and make it into useful energy. Oh yeah, the more beans you consume, the brighter the lights will shine in your home!

injaynesworld said...

Ah, yes... the "other" F-word. Very clever, my dear. I remember a little saying from God knows where...

"Let your wind blow free
Wherever ye may be
For 'twas wind that killith me..."


bettyl said...

Please don't tell me it gets worse as time goes by! I have never seen (or smelled) such gas as here in NZ from my new family in my life!! Must be the food.