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Monday, December 21, 2009

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

I know, I'm tired of hearing about him, too, and Thanksgiving was last month, but this was sent to me on email, and I just couldn't resist sharing it!

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem


Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house


Tiger Woods came a flyin' . . . chased by his spouse.


She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,


Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.


He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.


Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.




He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,


With Joselyn, and Kalika . . . the world had the story.


From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,


Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.




With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,


When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.


Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',


Tiger’s wife went investin' . . . a new home in Sweden .


And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,


"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."



She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year!







28 comments:

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

That was hilarious!!!!!! :)

Brandy said...

Very funny! I agree, def sick of hearing about him but this was comical!

mommaof4wife2r said...

oh my word, that really is hilarious! so much fun! i have to send it along to hubs who will love it! thanks for stopping by my blog...you have quite a cute one here yourself! merry christmas!

Debbie said...

You know I love this! I hadn't seen it and it really cracked me up.

Vodka Logic said...

Very cute and deserving

Ekanthapadhikan said...

Hilarious!!!

Erin Bassett said...

That is funny...I just sent it to my DH!

Skunkfeathers said...

Foist, thanks for the visit; and I agree, my blog is warped ;)

But you spun a better 'un on Tiger's tribulations than I have; all I have is (a) what's the diff between an Escalade and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball..and (b) I assert, with absolute confidence, that my rain gutter did not have sex with Tiger Woods.

I can't speak for the tree out back...

Greetings from Colorado to Maine!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Great little verse, which set me up to LOL at the cartoon.

Steven Anthony said...

funny but wrong....lol

lakeviewer said...

Uh. Can't take anymore. He's got it coming.

LoveMy2Dogs said...

ROFLMAO I am tired of him too but that was seriously worth it:)

JennyMac said...

You are SUCH a wordsmith Eva. LOVE this.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

LOVE IT!

I play golf and loved Tiger and watching him grow from the beginning. It is devastating that he is such a cad.

I hope Elin takes him to the cleaners, or worse, his golf game is never the same...

Cunning_Linguist said...

I hear his wife has the eye of the tiger. I'm sure before 2010 is out she'll have his houses and cars too!

nyuk nyuk nyuk

Tony Spunk said...

Mrs. Tiger's probably going to get his balls, dipped in gold leaf, to hang on her Christmas tree as part of their divorce settlement. If you're going to schtoomp endless amounts of ladies, don't go marrying one of them first! Stupid guy.

Jen said...

Yes, had enough of tiger....gggrrrrr!!!!~

Brian Miller said...

lol. thanks for the chuckles...

ethelmaepotter! said...

Okay, now I've been in the leave-Tiger-alone-he's-suffering-enough camp, but...THIS IS HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laugh!

brandon knight said...

After the public humiliation and total disregard that he showed towards her and the children, there is no way she can retain her dignity and stay with him!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

What kind of a name is "Tiger" anyway? And his other name has "WOOD" in it. He's practically guaranteed to be chasing ladies all day.

tunder said...

you are supposedly a retired teacher?
SAD.
I don't know much about Tiger Woods, except that he is HUMAN
just like the rest of us.... and we don't know his private life..
yet the public as usual is so willing to cast stones...
it's just that as you claim you were a teacher, I'd expected more intelligence!!!!!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Most of your comments did not require a response, except for Tunder.
To Tunder I would say, yes Tiger is human. One or two mistakes we can overlook as human frailty. When the numbers get up over a dozen, it begins to look like a matter of gigantic ego stroking, a total disregard for his wife, and evidence of an attitude of "I'm a superstar and I can do whatever the hell I want."

It's a case of "If you can't take the heat, you should have stayed out of the kitchen!"
Yes, I used to be a teacher: I never claimed sainthood!

Cunning_Linguist said...

Tunder... way to take the high road. You preach about an educator not having gravity of heart in a post yet you come in with the same level and point fingers. I don't know who you are to accuse others of being beneath you by "judging" and then turn around and do the exact same.

Yes, he's human. Yes, he's a public figure and therefore open to public conjecture. You're an overzealous fan of morality and therefore drawing even more attention and focus to the matter which you seek silence on.

I suggest if there is something you don't like reading, then simply don't read it. You have freedom of choice in the matter and as best I can see, nobody is begging you to read posts and offer your 2 cents. Go read a book that's nothing but sunshine and non offensive if it suits you. Freedom of speach isn't for the things you wish to hear, Tunder. It's there to protect the things you don't always wish to hear.

gayle said...

Awesome!!!

Meeko Fabulous said...

I thought this post was freakin' awesome. He lives in the public eye. If his dumb ass got caught, he has it coming. Not that I condone cheating, but you know what I mean. Anywhozits...

Unknown Mami said...

I really have not been following this whole debacle, but it seeps in anyway.

I think that humor is human. I wouldn't want to live in a world that does not laugh.

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