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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Top Ten List

I often surf the internet looking for blog fodder.  An article or photo catches my eye, and I save it for future reference.  Maybe it will result in an interesting idea for a post at some point.  When I don't have a topic in mind, I go to my files and see what I can find that gets the creative juices flowing.



    I love David Letterman's Top Ten Lists.  They're usually clever and funny, and I thought, why not?  I could come up with a Top Ten List.   The problem is, the Top Ten what?  Finally I decided.

With the popularity of email, faxes, cell phones, etc., I have found I get a lot less snail-mail than in the past.  So, I decided to make my list--




The Top Ten Things you least want to receive in the mail:  



10.  A fruitcake--one month after Christmas.



9.    A notice that you've been selected to report for jury duty, one week before you planned to leave on vacation.



8.   A letter from the IRS announcing "You are being audited."




7.   A letter from the DMV enclosing a picture of you driving thru the Easy Pass lane of the turnpike stating that you owe a $300 fine for unlawful use of that lane on 9 different occasions. 



6.  A letter from your mother-in-law telling you that she and your father-in-law are divorcing and she's coming to live with you.



5. A hardcopy of The People of Walmart, and you're in it!

4. A package marked "Dildos R Us" with a note attached from your next door neighbor saying, "Your package was delivered to my address in error."



3. A letter from your child's principal stating that she feels it was totally inappropriate for him to have brought a pair of your edible underwear "for show and tell."


 
2.   A package from your college student containing a positive pregnancy test and the words, "Guess What?"



1.  The package below with a note stating your Mail-Order-Mate is enclosed!

  





   

26 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Excellent list I must agree! Apart from number 1. I'd accept a fruit cake ANYTIME mainly because it is CAKE therefore, who can turn it down? Obviously not I. Bring it on.

5thsister said...

Oh you just had to include #1 didn't you. That image has now been seared into my brain cells and try as I might, it's not going anywhere!

singedwingangel said...

EEEKKK skeery stuff there skkkkkkkeeeryyy

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Wow, if I got all that in the mail, I think I'd rip out the mailbox and switch to a P.O. box. LOL~ I might as well share that good stuff with the postal service workers. :)

DJan said...

So you are a lurker going around looking for blog post ideas? Glad to find I'm not the only one! I have a whiteboard behind my desk and write down ideas for later use. I love your list, Eva. Are we going to have others?

glnroz said...

Dang,, you made me spill my coffee...lol

My name is PJ. said...

True! Funny! And that last one is a nightmare! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Queenie Jeannie said...

OHMYGOSH!! That picture, lol!!!!

TechnoBabe said...

I got up late today because hubby's snoring kept we awake most of last night so I was just sipping my first cup of coffee and then I read this post. Yikes. You need to put a disclaimer on posts like this "Must be fully awake to read this post" because now I am awake for sure.
Might not be able to sleep tonight either! You are too funny, lady. I bet you were a blast to work with.

Kristina P. said...

Wow, where can I get a man like that?!?!

Steven Anthony said...

edible undies, dildos...boy I think your house must be fun;)

seriously these were BRILLIANT!:)

The Retired One said...

Heeeeheeeeeee.....

Oh, Ick.
He must be somebody's sweetheart from Idaho. (see my blogpost on the Dumb State laws).
LMAOALOF!!

Helene said...

OMG, I laughed so hard at these I almost peed in my pants!!!

If my MIL ever sent me a letter saying she was moving in with us, I'd move....without giving her a forwarding address!

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

I think it's hilarious that the ads posted on this one all all for weight loss! What are they talking about? Don't they find your mail order honey attractive?

JEN said...

That was good, Eva.I think, as far as that "chunky" package is concerned, I would RETURN TO SENDER!!

Eva Gallant said...

Veg: I guess as long as it doesn't have green mold on it or creepy crawly creatures running around in it, you're all set!

5thsister: Sorry about that!

singed: Yeah, I agree!

Mandy: Understandable reaction!

DJan: You never know. I did one back in August on my 65th birthday.
http://wrestlingretirement.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-top-ten-reasons-to-celebrate-turning.html

Glen: Hope you didn't get any on your keyboard!

PJ: You mean he wouldn't be yuor dream man???

Queenie: It certainly is unique!

Techno: Sorry about the rude awakening! And I'm a lot more fun to be NOT working with! lol

Kristina: A lotta' lovin' there, girl!

Steven: We do occasionally have a laugh around here. Glad you liked the list!

Retired: Is that what 50 pounds of chocolate will do???

Eva Gallant said...

Helene: Have you considered "Depends?'

Lucy: I know--a lotta' lovin' there, as I said earlier!

Jen: Awww---how could you ever return that all that sweetness? lol

Cinnamon-Girl♥ said...

I like your top ten list better than Letterman's! I needed a good belly laugh!

Candice said...

Agreed on all of them. Especially number 6! GAAAAAH!!!!

Me-Me King said...

#8 - When I get notices from the IRS, I simply write "deceased" on the envelope and return to sender. It really, really works!

Sue said...

Those are hilarious. David Letterman has nothing on you.

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

Unknown Mami said...

I love Top 10 lists; they're so much fun. Your humor shines in this one.

Eva Gallant said...

Reeni: Thank you so much! Glad I could oblige!

Candice: Many readers felt the same way about #6..not big on MILs I guess!

MeMe: I would be so busted if I ever did that!

Sue: Thank you!!

sanjeet said...

That image has now been seared into my brain cells and try as I might, it's not going anywhere!

Work from home India

gayle said...

oh dear God....I don't want any of those!!

Vodka Logic said...

As the mother of a daughter in college #2 would be quite frightening.

Funny list