Thursday, February 11, 2010

Bandaids and Dental Eloss

Well, yesterday was a big day for Hubby;  The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition appeared in our mailbox. Like a kid set loose in a candy store, he was not sure where to start.  The cover features beautiful blonde Brooklyn Decker  with her hoo-ha just barely covered by a swatch of yellow fabric, standing in hoo-ha-deep water, her top mostly off with her arms just barely covering the essentials.
Then, of course, there were a few foldouts, a-la Playboy style.  (I suspect those are in there so that older guys like Hubby who can't see to read without sliding their glasses to the top of their scalps and holding the page 6 inches from their noses have an equal opportunity to salivate!)

Olympic hopefuls Lindsey Vonn, Hannah Teeter, Clair Bedez, and Lacy Schnoor leave no doubt in our minds that if they don't medal at the Olympics, they can always model.  All four photograh amazingly well.

It was a double issue--I don't know if that is usual, but the front cover announces that inside are 190 photos of 31 models from 6 countries; a virtual smorgasbord of female flesh scantily clad in bandaids and dental floss. Definitely not reading material for the puritanical.  I find it fascinating how much money women are willing to spend for the tiny bikinis in the photographs.  I saw prices ranging from $89 to $1200 for swatches of fabric which couldn't have amounted to a quarter of a yard...actually some of those suits weren't much larger than a quarter!

  As far as I was concerned, the best part of the magazine was the smell!  I kid you not.  Somewhere in there was an ad for the  men's fragrance Georgio Armani Code.  That was some wonderful cologne!  I think I may have actually felt a twitch in my nether regions when my nose got a scent of that!

That set me to thinking that women should have something sexy to look at once in a while.  Why should the guys be the only oglers?  We girls need something to get gaga over, too.  As a result, I've decided to feature on my blog the "Man of the Month"  over the next few months.   So, I'll try to titillate on the tenth of each month for awhile....just for the ladies.   Most magazines hit the newstands a month early, so my Mr. March, in all his naked glory,  is pictured below.*  Feast your eyes, and try not to drool on the keyboard, ladies!

*Unfortunately, I don't have Sports Illustrated's budget to work with!

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My name is PJ. said...

It's all downhill after, say, 30?
Too, too funny, Miss Eva!

DJan said...

Whoa! That is some picture, Eva! I'm impressed with your dedication to making me laugh out loud!

Jen said...

Wow!! I had to look twice. I thought it might be Joe!!! lol

Keep up the good work, you might eventually work into that bidget!

Kristina P. said...

Haha! He is sexy!

Meeko Fabulous said...

OMG I'm dying laughing over here! Oh Eva. Hope you're having a great day! :)

Tam said...

Bravo, girl! That guy is totally HOTT and I can't wait for April's delight!

Steven Anthony said...

seriously warped..and I love it;) lmao

The Retired One said...

I saw that "male model" picture on the internet a few weeks ago and it cracked me up.

lakeviewer said...

Oh my! What he needs is paramedics!

JennyMac said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH..the first paragraph alone made me laugh out loud. And I love how Andy Decker basically picked her out like she was in catalogue. VERY romantic. FAIL.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Jesus H. Christ, woman, MY EYES. :) I actually fell for it too. I was all, "Oh, what beefcake is she going to post?" but really I should know better.

Also, what's up with those little strings ladies in those magazines wear that seem to just hold everything in place? How does that even work? Were they developed by NASA to defy gravity? And no one's hoo ha should fit under a tiny triangular swatch of nothingness. Maybe she's like Barbie and doesn't have one?

Eva Gallant said...

PJ: Downhill? More like a dead drop!

DJan: I've made it my goal...laughter is the best medicine!

Jen: You forget--my Hubby doesn't swim!

Kristina: Definitely a catch!

Meeko: Glad you're enjoying it!

Tam: The search is on for Mr. April!

Steven: Me?? Warped??? Surely you jest!

Retired: He does evoke a chuckle or two.

Rosaria: Are you ready to perform a little "mouth to mouth?"

JennyMac: Sounds like they were made for each other!

Veg: Fooled ya! Must have been developed by NASA!

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Ahhhh, thanks Eva. But I think I'm joining a nunnery -- soon!
Mr March is all yours, honey. Let me know how it pans out.

BONNIE K said...

I like your man of the month! Much more realistic than those skinny models! And I"ll add that my son decided he wanted Code for x-mas. He called me a few weeks before x-mas to see if he could just buy it for himself (on my credit card) cause he had friends coming in town and wanted to be able to wear it. Then some girl came over a few days later and told him how good he smelled. He smiled and said "Code."

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Did you ever see the center fold of Burt Reynolds way back in the 70's when Playgirl first came out? I laughed and laughed because he wore white socks! So farm boy and just exactly what I was used to! You'd think if you're going to buy a magazine, you'd want something exotic, wouldn't you?

Cinnamon-Girl♥ said...

Laughing all the way!!

Debbie said... I am reading along and wondering if this is really true or not? Does hubby really get this magazine or is this an Eva tale? Once I decide he may be getting it, I am starting to get pissed off at your guy...I hate those magazines and all the bandaid and floss with it!! Then you come right out of left field with that honey of a catch you posted at the! Seriously though....I really need to get out more I think.:)

Eva Gallant said...

Sandy: A nunnery, huh; that seems extreme!

Bonnie: Watch out! The girls are going to be all over your son! Code is sexy, sensual, and devilisious!

Lucy: I remember that Burt Reynolds Centerfold in Playgirl Magazine vividly. There sure as hell weren't any farmboys like him in my neighborhood! I thought he was a major hottie!

Cinnamon: That's the whole idea. Glad I could make you smile!

Debbie: Your comment cracked me up! Yes he really gets the magazine; he says he's OLD, not DEAD! And yeah, I suspect you need to get out more! lol

Boomer Pie said...

What a "whale" of a tale! And a hoot to boot. I wonder who gets that guy for Valentines Day. I signed up to follow your zany writings. Stop by my place for the SuperBowl of Love.

Blackberry Jam Cafe said...

You never fail me - I know when I come here there's going to be a punch line - yet - it still always sneaks up on me! Too funny! I also had to laugh about the old guys needing their reading glasses - I kid you not, my husband not only had on his reading glasses, he was holding the magazine under the lamp to see it better! What an idiot! (she lovingly said).

Mary said...

Oh lord, that's even worse than all the tighty whiteys on the super bowl ads!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Well, you're kind. My wife won't let me go anywhere near SI during swimsuit issue season.

Unknown Mami said...

Eva, I do not want to feast my eyes on that!