Friday, February 12, 2010

Love Letters and False Rumors!

Letter #1

Dear Lindt Chocolate,

I think my husband is becoming suspicious of our affair.

How does the clueless one finally have one? It could be the bag of truffles hidden in my undies drawer, or maybe he discovered the truffles in the Green Giant Brussel Sprouts bag in the freezer--or maybe he's just noticed that my jeans are hugging my ass a hell of a lot more tightly lately!

Whatever it is, I think he's on to us. We must be more discreet in our liaisons .

. . meet you on the back porch at midnight?

I adore you and I don't know if I could ever live without you!

Longing for you,

Evil Eva

Letter #2

Dear Lindt Chocolate,

I was afraid of this. My husband saw us last night. . .. on the back porch. He hid behind the window curtain and waited for me to come in. There was an ugly confrontation. I tried to deny it, but he smelled you on my breath! I was forced to confess.

I don't know how to tell you this, Lindt, my love, but the only way we can continue is if we include him. I know, I know, the thought of a threesome repulsed me at first, too. But the thought of giving you up completely is unbearable to me!

After agonizing through a sleepless night, tossing and turning, I've decided I can do this. I may have to close my eyes while he has his way with you, but anything is better then never holding you again--never again reveling in your sweetness!

I hope you understand and are with me in this.

Loving you without shame,

Evil Eva

These were published once before, back last summer on my blog, but with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I thought I should come clean once again; perhaps my experience can deter some other wife from cheating.

 When push came to shove, I was unable to deal with a menage a trois.  I broke it off with Lindt.  It was painful, but for the best.  Hubby and I have worked things out--and I swear there is no truth to the rumors that I have been flirting with that cad Ghiradelli!   The picture below that has been circling the internet is NOT me;;;I repeat:  NOT me.  It's obviously someone who looks a little like me, but you must admit, I'm much cuter!

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Missy said...

Ha Ha. That sounds like my love affair with Pop Tarts. They hang out in my sewing studio, waiting my arrival in the morning. My husband knows though. My kids on the other hand, would be mortified to hear that Pop Tarts and I have a special relationship.

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo that is too funny.. and that sure resembles you I can see how the mistake was made..

DJan said...

It seems that Lindt has many admirers. I am such a fan of the extra dark truffles, but my husband likes the milk chocolate, so we don't have to share! Very funny, Eva, as usual.

Katie said...

LOL! That was great! Thanks for the laugh this morning! :)

and thanks for visiting me, too! Hope you have a great weekend!!

Elenka said...

OMG, I was trying to eat my honey nut cheerios snack and almost couldn't down it, I was laughing so hard.
Your hubby must be something to win out over the truffles!
One time I was in the store buying some gourmet truffles (for my son, not me...) and they offered me a free truffle and I actually declined it! I was so proud of myself!! It wasn't easy.

JEN said...

AHA!! That sure looks like you!!!!Well, have a great Valentines day......with/without chocolate!!

lovemylevi said...

LOL you're so silly! Thanks for the laugh!

lakeviewer said...

O.k. you win most creative here! Give yourself a box of Godiva. You can hop on the horse too, with or without costume. Your wit is your cover.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Of course that's not you, Eva. And I don't have a giant bag of mini Cadbury Creme Eggs in the fridge in an empty OJ carton either. At all. Because I would never do such a thing.

Um...unless I was you know...hiding them for a friend.

My name is PJ. said...

Hysterical!!! You are toooooo funny!

Tgoette said...

Very funny Eva! Lindt truffles are worth some indiscretion, so that's okay in my book! Have a great Valentine's Day full of chocolate yumminess. (Counting down the days to Easter already.)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I discovered you via Knucklehead, and I'm glad I did! That was a great post about your affair with chocolate. My only problem with it is that I think we're being two-timed, because I've been seeing Lindt and Ghiradelli, too. Those cheating jerks! I'm moving on to Cadbury, who isn't a cad at all.

Eva Gallant said...

Missy: Pop Tarts don't tempt me--though I've never tried the chocolate ones.....

Singed: Okay, so it looks a little like me. But it's not!

DJan: Ah, see, I want the dark and the milk--I'm selfish that way.

Katie: Glad I could make you smile!

Elenka: Sorry to mess up breakfast! You must have an iron will...I could never say "no" to a freebie!

Jen: No one could have a great Valentine's day WITHOUT chocolate!

lovemylevi: You're veru welcome!

Rosaria: Godiva is another favorite. I belong to the one a month club. I get a free chocolate once a month if I stop in at the store! (Of course, that doesn't really count--it's sort of like a one-night stand!)

Veg: I hear ya'. It is the Cadbury egg time of year too.

PJ: Glad you liked it!

Togoette: Thank you for being so understanding; of course, Easter means Chocolate bunnies and Cadbury caramel eggs!

Mike: So glad you stopped by. Hope you'l do that often. And again, congrats on the win!
(Ghiradelli is a cheat???)

I Wonder Wye said...

Excy ordered me some chocolate from France! I LOVE this man!!!!!!

Unknown Mami said...

You naughty, naughty woman!

Simply Stacie said...

Following you from the Friday Follow!

RennyBA's Terella said...

This is true passion! So from all of me, to all of you: Sweet end to you're week :-)

The Peg Board said...

Fun.. love chocolate!!!
Happy Friday Follow!!

Candice said...

Have you tried the Reese's peanut butter filled hearts?

I just hit that 3 times.

Eva Gallant said...

WonderWye: Chocolate from France; he's definitely a keeper!!!

Mami: Who, Me?

Stacie: Welcome

RennyBA: Right back at you!

PegBoard: Glad you stopped by!

Candice: Reeses Cremes are also yummy!

Steven Anthony said...

You should see my letters to chocolate covered cherries....scandal doesnt begin to cover

Miss Fanny said...

Sound like a sweet affair! Visiting you from Friday Follow. Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Blogging!

Blackberry Jam Cafe said...

You never disappoint - I know where to come for a good laugh!

Felissa Hadas said...

Stopping by to say hello with Friday Follow. Hope you have an amazing weekend with your family and friends.

Please stop by my new blog:
and my business blog:

Cougar Tales said...

This is so funny. Sounds kind of like my Dorito obsession. Last night, we were playing this Table Topics game and the question was "Do you eat differently when you are not with your partner?" I was like, um yeah! I binge eat!
- Cougs

ethelmaepotter! said...

Love this one, Eva!

Tam said...

That picture is totally not you. I can't believe someone accused you of falling off the wagon. P.S. If that Lindt starts to stalk you, send him my way. I'll deal with it.

Louise said...

That's so funny! And it could just as easily be me. I even scomp the kiddies' Lindt when no-one's looking - the smitten have no shame! Greetings from Italy via the new improved BPOTW.

Dude 'n' Princess said...

Dnt we all have such secrets ;)

hummer said...

Well I had not read the earlier post and this had me rolling on the ground laughing in remembrance of grabbing a bite of chocolate before anyone would come in and catch me indulging. Chocolate is a necessity.


Lol well i found it really cute

what an imaginative piece of work
loved it
thanks fro a delighted read

Brenda said...

Ever heard of See's Candy? Thats my "other".

Cute post.

Visiting from BPOTW