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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Some Saturday Silliness

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST :

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week...
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

**************

WOMEN'S REVENGE:

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

***************

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN :
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


************


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


**************

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

***************

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

******************
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


Have a great day!


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22 comments:

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

OMG, I love that last one.

Mardel said...

Those were very funny!

LadyFi said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Lluvia said...

huaaaaaaaaa huaaaaaaaaa huaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Brian Miller said...

lol, there are some funny ones here...good thing we dont have a TV...now if she took my book...that would be a different story...

My name is PJ. said...

Each one funnier than the last! Do you laugh every day? I imagine you do. I do.

Katherine said...

Baha... it's so true! Men just shouldn't even bother! It's not a fair fight!

Tracie said...

LOL!

Understanding women....I have to say that I don't really understand this myself! =)

Cigaretts and Tampons--that guy would end up on a milk carton!

here via SITS...thanks for the laugh this morning!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo LOVE LOVE LOVE the last one seriously.. never try to out do a woman you will never win

DJan said...

I learned yesterday that children laugh (on average) 400 times a day, and adults only 19. I just had my quota. Loved the last one!

Steven Anthony said...

these are great, what a wonderful way to spend a saturday morning, laughing with a friend;) thanx

Midday Escapades said...

They are all good but I have to say the perfect breakfast was my fave.

p.s. I also want my 20's body back!

lakeviewer said...

Love them all!

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

You are always too funny! The best jokes are always about how men and women co- habitat. Can you imagine bringing home a tin of tobacco and papers and telling your husband cigarettes are too expensive? That's like bringing home pipes and cornstalks and telling him booze is too expensive, here! Make your own still. Both will land him in jail! ('Cause he'll kill you for bringing home the tin of tobacco and papers...)

Eva Gallant said...

Lucy: there was a time when bringing home cotton balls and string wouldn't have exactly been a prudent move on his part either! lol

Steven: You always brighten up my day; I'm glad I can sometimes do the same.

Katherine: It's like they are entering a battle of wits unarmed.

LadyFi: my pleasure!


Lady

SueDohNihm said...

These are great! Thank you for the Saturday smiles.

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Me again Eva. I would feel honored if you used one of my photos in your blog. Have you looked at my other Blog: Free Photos? I don't care if I ever get anything but a link or thanks, I just like to take the pictures!

Jeanie said...

These were all very funny, but the last one was exquisite.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Loved tampon guy and the last one the best too. But tampon guy is kind of biting off his nose to spite his face, no? Maybe she should move over to his favorite chair for a spell.

Cinnamon-Girl said...

I can always count on you to give me a good laugh. Love the last one!

Meeko Fabulous said...

This one still makes me giggle! :)

gayle said...

Love those!!