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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Memorable Quotes

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..


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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

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Big News:
I am being featured at LOL today. Laffy Lady is giving my post The Pleasure Hunt another turn in the spotlight. Some of my regular followers my remember this one--me searching for the ever elusive G-spot. If you don't remember it, or even if you do, stop over at LOL (Laugh Out Loud) ; she claims to be featuring "the best of the sit down comedians."  Click here to visit her blog.


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32 comments:

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

Oh my lord, these are classic! Funny stuff. And I love that - sit down comedians!! That's great! Congrats on your feature.

Brian Miller said...

now thats some funny junk...congrats on the feature as well...

Robin said...

I feel very smart today...its the mental part of me..!

DJan said...

OH Lord, these are priceless. I like the one especially from the government about stopping food stamps. Mercy! And congratulations on being picked by LOL, you deserve it, you are FUNNY!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo where so you find this stuff...but ya have to wonder if some of them were not just ahem testing yeah that's it testing the attention of others when they made their comments..

JennyMac said...

Those are fantastic. Oh, poor Mariah.

Writing Without Periods! said...

Mariah...no you didn't! How funny.
Mary

Canadian Blend said...

One of my favorites is from Craig T. Nelson:

"What happened to society? I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. I've been on food stamps and welfare, did anybody help me out? No. No. They gave me hope, they gave me encouragement, and they gave me a vision."

Multiple personalities.. said...

Ha ha!! These are too funny! It's always amazing when so-called prominent people say such not-so-smart things like this. Thanks for sharing these, that was too funny!

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Mariah.

Jen said...

Great Blog!! Strange quotes.....from some "stranger"selebs.

K A B L O O E Y said...

I used the Brooke Shields one in my yearbook, actually. Love these and congrats on the LOL pick.

Meeko Fabulous said...

These are all gems! LoL! :)

linda said...

Yep, people say the dumbest things! Amazing isn't it!

Steven Anthony said...

Mariah made me snort...omg! seriously....I think I pee'd I laughed so hard, how truly stupid can one be.

Libby said...

I love it because there's a quote for evey instance of feeling stupid - wrong words, wrong phrasing, wrong information...everything!!!
Thanks! :-D

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Here's your sign....

Eva Gallant said...

Mary(writing): Yeah, she did!

Jen: You're right...very strange quotes!

Steven: If you're going to keep peeing in you pants when you read my blog, you may want to look into investing in some Depends! lol

Cinnamon-Girl said...

These are gems! I definitely feel smarter!

Respectfully Yours said...

Excellent, as always.

Holly said...

Too funny...thanks for the chuckle...I needed it! I get tat people say silly things, but some of them are too much!

Holly
504 Main

Rafael Mantovani said...

LOL, but are these for real? Where did you get them?

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

These are so funny, Eva. Congrats on your feature. I hope they're all wearing depends!!

Dame Nuisance said...

Oh, thank you for those! Since December I have been in a job that makes me feel stupid almost daily! It was so nice to know that there is true idiocy in the world and that I am not contributing to it!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Respectfully: Thanks!

Holly: Sad thing is these people were not trying to be funny at the time.

Rafael: They are for real; they came to me via a friend on email; but most of them you can find if you google stupid quotes!

Deb said...

What a riot! "Norman Einstein!"

Unknown Mami said...

Please tell me that Mariah Carey quote is not real.

Marla said...

Dang Eva....I feel like a brainiac now. Thanks! lol

Cougar Tales said...

These are so funny! Reminds me of "starts without makeup". :-)

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

I'm not lurking, I'm laughing. A funny blog. Nice to have found you on FF. Come visit Steadfast for a different view from my side of life.

kbxmas said...

Feeling downright brilliant now, thank you!

Janiece said...

Oh my gosh! Thanks for such a great laugh!