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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Saturday Silliness.

After being married for 44 years, George took a careful look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a beautiful 25-year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping beside a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

His wife, being a very reasonable woman, told him to go out and find a beautiful 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

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Ten Thoughts to Ponder

10. Life is sexually transmitted.

9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to surf the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6. Some people are like a Slinky ...Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

2. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And , the number one thought to ponder:
1. "Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers; What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow"

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An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home, is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. (you know what I mean).

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'



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Hope you're having a great weekend!


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29 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

these are brilliantly funny...I needed the laugh today, thank you;)

Helene said...

I so needed to end this week with a laugh!!! So glad I stopped by in time to catch this post...you had me laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.

The health nuts dying in the hospital of nothing made me almost pee in my pants!

Smokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Smokey said...

Oh, thank you I so desperately need a laugh tonight.

A 2 Z said...

Hi,

That was great. There is an award waiting on my blog for you. Have a peek!

Anne-Marie

Midday Escapades said...

Oh man you crack me up with these jokes. I'm going to share that first one with my hubby.

Hey, I've tagged you for a fun photo meme: http://bit.ly/bICWsM.

Lynn

R.J. said...

That was fun. Thanks for the giggles. Amen to 9 and 5.

DJan said...

Number 7 is a really good one! I laughed out loud. And yes, these are keepers, Eva. I'll have to point my sister to this post so she can have a much needed laugh. Have a great weekend! Oh, and May Day!

Brian Miller said...

lol. fun list...gotta go find me a sandwich...

Writing Without Periods! said...

Thanks for the laughs...I'm still in my robe...I needed them.
Mary

Me, Myself and Pie said...

This entire post made me laugh!

Jeanie said...

The first joke could have fit in with the "Ten Thoughts to Ponder".
These were very funny today...thanks for the laughs.

Jake said...

hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed these!!

Jackie

Kristina P. said...

You really find the cream of the crop jokes.

rose said...

Very cute. THANKS. Have a good weekend.

Debbie said...

So very funny! I can always count on you to put a smile on my face.

Elenka said...

Thanks for the chuckles!!!!!!! I needed that.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, Eva, I just HEART you!!! Once again, you've got me laughing and smiling! I need to remember to stop by here every morning so I can start my day off right!

I think my favorite was the horny/hungry man line! Oh, so true!!

Tee, hee!!

Eva Gallant said...

Steven: Glad I could bring you some cheer!

Smokey: Glad I could bring you some smiles!

A2Z: I appreciate the thought. Thank you for feeling I deserve an award. Due to the fact that I prepare my posts several days ahead of time, I end up being late in acknowledging awards and abiding by the rules. Again, my thanks, but feel free to pass the award on to a more deserving bloggre.

Unknown Mami said...

Silly, but sorta wise at the same time.

Respectfully Yours said...

Loved the last one...too funny.

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Your posts are always guaranteed to make me laugh! A slinky! I got one and had to go to my grandma's to get stairs! Do you remember that jingle?

Eva Gallant said...

Rose: You too!

Elenka: laughter is good for the soul!

Respectfully: Hope I can keep you smiling!

K A B L O O E Y said...

Wow, that last one took a lot of careful assembly, but was worth it. Tee hee.

glnroz said...

once again, holding my sides,, lolololo

Eva Gallant said...

Glen: That's the whole goal of Saturday Silliness (and of many of my posts, I might add!) But you already knew that!

Respectfully: Always glad when I can hit someone's funny bone!

JenJen said...

Eva! I love love love this post!!

Smokey said...

Great photos. Don't you feel sorry for them having to be in that little house - bet they feel like sardines in a can. LOL

Marla said...

Eva, Eva, Eva! LOL