Saturday, May 8, 2010

Saturday Silliness.

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,

'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to Heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'


A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'


Have a great weekend!
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Arti said...

Hi Eva,
Loved the last one :)
Thanks for dropping by and your lovely comment!

My name is PJ. said...

They all made me laugh, but the first one was my fave!

natalee said...

LOL!!! That hillbilly cracked me up!!!!! Hope you are better

R.J. said...

Now my weekend is complete. I can't start my weekend without your Saturday Silliness. Blogs are so addicting.I had to go to grief counseling when you didn't post one day last week!!!!Does it start to feel like a responsibility when your fans miss you so much?

BYW the first words out of my hubby's mouth this morning was: "That was good morning in fartsi." I told him you would be the first person I would tell.

DJan said...

Well, you MUST be feeling better, I can almost hear your laughing from here.

Brian Miller said...

haha. thanks for the chuckle this saturday least she can cook. smiles.

Steven Anthony said...

thanks for the much needed laughs on this rainy sat morn;)

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Hi Eva! I came by through SITS but I've seen ya hanging around Meeko's blog too :)

These were great! Loved the "hind lick" one hahaha

Have great Saturday!

ComplyKated said...

Happy Sharefest. Thanks for the laughs!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Oh man, that is hilarious! The first one is my fave! I'm from the south and have been to the "deep" south and I can see this kind of thing happening.... it's one of the reasons I chose a surgeon who is from the north to perform my gallbladder removal next week! I actually prefer a John Hopkins graduate over a southern school med student! They just seem smarter somehow! Yes it's sad that I say that since I'm from Louisiana but it is true! Happy Mother's Day to you Eva and have a good weekend!

Eva Gallant said...

Komplykated: Your welcome. Thanks for visiting.

Steven: Rainy here, too. Glad to spread the laughs!

Arti: Thanks for the return visit!

Jen said...

OMG! Hilarious those hillbillys'!!!

Jen said...

OMG! Hilarious those hillbillys'!!!

Evonne said...

I love these! Thanks for the laugh!

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a great weekend!

Tgoette said...

Laughter: A wonderful way to start a Saturday morning! These were gems. Thanks so much for sharing! I'm glad you are feeling better.

Have a very Happy Mother's Day!

Writing Without Periods! said...

Hey, I am a hilly billy! Well...I used to be...or at least I think I used to be.
Thanks for the chuckle.

Unknown Mami said...

I can't stop laughing at the hind lick!

Canadian Blend said...

The minister would probably be okay with grandma banging her boyfriend. At least I'd like to think so.

Wanderlust said...

Will definitely be avoiding Southern easting establishments! And I think grandma may have just found herself a new boyfriend...

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Yes, the first one Eva. Are you chartering a Greyhound bus so we can go on a tour of Southern restaurants?
You'd have to get the one with a bathroom though so we'd all make it!

rose said...

Great stories that make you laugh. Thanks

Marla said...

Holy cow!!! LOL

Eva Gallant said...

Rose: Glad I caused a chuckle or two!

Canadian: I guess it depends on the minister!

Jen: Glad you liked it!

Poetic Shutterbug said...

You just gave me my laugh out loud moment of the day. Hysterical!