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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Saturday Silliness.

The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat.  There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged woman, > but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.  The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The woman sniffed and said to no one in particular,  "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog."Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog,tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.  "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing  the wrong thing... You hold the fork in the wrong hand...You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road... And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"

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A new husband was awakened early one morning by calls from his quite pregnant wife.

She told him that the baby was coming and he panicked. Upon reaching the doctor by phone he exclaimed "Doctor, doctor my wife's having a baby, my wife's having a baby".

The doctor said "Now calm down sir. Is this her first baby?"

"No", replied the husband quite upset, "This is her husband."

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When I was younger, I hated going to weddings. After the wedding and during the reception, my aunts and the grandmotherly types would come up to me and poke me in the ribs, cackling, "You're next."

Finally they stopped, when I started doing the same to them at funerals!

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Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.  The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'

'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10.00 note.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall,followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.

'I won $1000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement....!!!'

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Enjoy the rest of your weekend!





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18 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ha. you are a hoot...i really need to try that trick with the funerals...lol.

Vodka Logic said...

Love them... but I do admit my husband is the biggest baby in the house at times

My name is PJ. said...

A very funny way to start my Saturday. Did you catch the rhyme in that?!

Derrick said...

You have brightened my Saturday too, Eva. Thanks!

Lizzie said...

Too funny, thanks for the laugh this morning.
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!!

www.aworkinprogress.net

jules said...

I love starting the morning with a good laugh. The first one was my fav, but the poking about the funeral got me too!

DJan said...

Saturday silliness, indeed. Thanks for the smiles!

Bossy Betty said...

Thanks for the giggles this mornnig!

Steven Anthony said...

hahahahahahahaaa thanx for the laughs my friend

have a grrrrrrreat weekend ;)

Midday Escapades said...

I look forward to your Saturday Silliness every week, Eva. You always put a smile on my face. I really needed this today. Thank you.

p.s. Good to hear you are a coconut lover, too. The tilapia recipe is really good. I hope you'll try it.

Jen said...

Too funny...good ones, Eva!!!

Wanderlust said...

Love the funeral joke - priceless!

Unknown Mami said...

If it's Saturday, I know I can come here for a chuckle.

I am Harriet said...

Hi there.
Stopping by from SITS Saturday Sharefest to say hello.
Have a great rest of the weekend!

http://harrietandfriends.co

rose said...

Thanks for the smiles and giggles.

Miz Dinah said...

Ooooooo...badoom-cha! I hope I'm never that dried out.

Eva Gallant said...

Steven: the same to you, my friend.

Jules: I'll do my best to start every Saturday with a laugh.

Jen: Glad you liked them!

IamH: Thanks for dropping by!

rose: I hope you can always count on me for smiles and giggles.

Eva Gallant said...

rose: I'm always available for smiles and giggles!

IamHarriet: Thanks for stopping by!

Jen: Glad you liked them!

Steven: You, too, my friend!

Jules: I'll do my best to start every Saturday with a laugh!