A man and his wife, moved back home to West Virginia, from Ohio. The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio cost them $2000 per year! When they arrived in West Virginia, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in West Virginia to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Ohio!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39... You just have to know how to describe it!
( HILLBILLIES know how "to git 'ER done)
A burglar broke into a house.
As he went about his business, he heard a voice say, "Jesus if watching you."
He looked around and saw a parrot, who again said, "Jesus is watching you.'
The burglar asked the parrot what his name was, to which the Parrot replied, "Moses."
The burglar said, "Now, what sort of person would name a parrot Moses?"
The Parrot replied, "The same sort of person who would name a rottweiller Jesus!"
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'
He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'
'So, where were you all these years?'
'In prison,' he says.
'Why did they put you in prison?'
He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'
'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink? It's on the house."
"No, thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"Well, sister," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue in the restroom, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"