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Friday, July 16, 2010

Back to the Work Force

I've been giving some thought to going back to work.  I've been retired for a little over a year now, and I've had time to think about what I really would like to do.  It would be nice to have some extra cash to do things....this social security and little pension of mine don't quite make it for comfortable living.  (Take a hint, you young 'uns out there!  Start saving for your old age now....it gets here a whole lot faster than you'd think!)

I'm  trying to put together something to post on Monster Jobs and similar sites.  First I guess I have to establish some criteria:

1.  Work schedule:  no more than 6 hours per week.  (I need my rest and blog time.)

2.  Duties:  no heavy lifting, no heavy thinking, no contact with customers.

3.  Work environment:

       a. Pleasant surroundings.  Must be heated comfortable in winter and air conditioned in summer;  

      b.  Eye candy in the form of 25 to 40 year-old handsome, buff, men a definite plus.
(all though as time goes by, looks and buffness decline in priority--most any male will look good to me, soon, I'm sure.)

       c.  On site bartender or equivalent that serves up Pina Coladas a necessity.

       d.  Proximity to restroom needed to avoid crisis situations.  (Bladder control not all it used to be.)

      e.  Restroom proximity less a requirement if free Depends are provided by employer.

     

5.  Compensation:  Generous and frequent,  in cash, $50 denominations preferable.


Well, gotta' put this together and start browsing the employment websites!  I'm sure there are a plethora of opportunities out there that meet my requirements.  Wish me luck.


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23 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'll give you a reference if you recommend ME for the next opening. And make it clear, I do NOT do anything without a margarita, a cupcake platter and a dark, brooding, buff man to serve it all. Well unless they have one of your calendar men on hand, because after a few margaritas they're all hot and buff, no?

Brian Miller said...

wow, that is just the job i was looking for...lol. ok maybe not, but best of luck with that. smiles.

R. J. said...

I also want a part time job that pays me a lot for doing nothing. Hey, if you know who can require straws that bend, the rest of us are just as entitled.

Pat said...

Ha! And here I read the title of your post and thought you were all serious and crap.

Honey, if you could find a job like that, then there's hope for me! And, hey, I'd even work 12 hours a week!

You'd better watch out - competition!

Canadian Blend said...

To get everything you want you're going to have to run for and be elected to Congress. I'd be happy to make a donation to your war chest.

Steven Anthony said...

best of luck....i would hire ya....your brilliant.

Debbie said...

Oh Eva you are too much! You really should be writing an article for the Portland Press each day....if they would publish it! There would be a few BLEEPS here and there but what the heck! You have GOT to go to Downeastdoingstuff and check out her blog from a few days ago. This guy on Willard Beach she took a photo of....you will die! Go to my blog and she is on my sidebar...it's a riot!

Eva Gallant said...

Debbie: I follow DownEast Doing Stuff already, and you're right--her Willard beach Guy was hysterical!

Steven: Thanks for the vote of confidence! lol

Canadian: I think you must be right. I never thought of it, but that is kind of a job description for a congressman!

Kristina P. said...

This all sounds completely reasonable

glnroz said...

that aint gonna be no problem.. you gonna get "snapped" up right away,, reckon?

Kola Kokahalla said...

I think I would enjoy the job you're describing. Particularly if they have an office in say, Barbados that I would have to work out of. For maybe 30 minutes a day. While sitting at the bar. :)

Meeko Fabulous said...

I've got the perfect job for you! You would have to relocate to Vegas . . . You could be a lifeguard at one of the hotel pools! ;)

Writing Without Periods! said...

Hey if you get that lifeguard at Vegas pool job, let me know. I want to be one too!!!
Mary

Elenka said...

I DO wish you tons of luck...if anyone deserves it, it's you. And then, once you have it, hold on to it for about 2 to 5 years until I retire, and then I'll take it.
Deal?

Debbie's L'Bri said...

lol you just told me you were retired.

injaynesworld said...

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me... ;)

lakeviewer said...

Perfect job! Best of luck!

Midday Escapades said...

Okay, but you better share when you find that perfect job. K??

tattytiara said...

Ah hahahaha - I love the way the humor snuck up on me in that post. I mean it's you, I should have seen it coming, but there I was reading and considering all these pragmatic considerations and then whammo - laughing before I knew what had just happened!

Maybe you should apply for the job of towel girl for a swim up bar!

The Retired One said...

hahaa Eva!
Even with all those perks,I would'nt want to go back to work and give up the freedom that my retirement has provided to us.

Rose said...

i have no doubt that you will find alot of places that in a million years. would be happy to bow to your criteria and say sure in a million years

Eva Gallant said...

Rose: In a million years, I'll return to work!

Kola: Barbados, Aruba, works for me!

Glen: You would think so!

gayle said...

For a minute I thought.......is she serious!! I am begging to retire!! I would just take the 6 hour work week!