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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Too Little, Too Late

Now this is just what I needed when I was looking for a bathing suit!  I could have shopped from home!



Now if you noticed, the first one (price point $150 to $200)  looks like I could make it out of an old pair of hubby's jeans, some white shoelaces, and the lace of an old slip.  (who wears slips anymore, anyway!)  Le Doux should be spelled Le Dough!  Target would give me two suits for $30.

The skirted one I might be able to make more body appropriate by pulling the skirt up and sewing it to the bra!  Thank you Target.  The black one with the buttons from Bettini, is just too teeny!  Especially at $125.

The black and white ones with the bandeau tops--hmmmm.--maybe I could use a sweatband with a twist in the middle......If I could find a big enough, wide enough, head band.  (Do they make sweat bands for elephants?)  And the one with the stripes.....maybe if I stop by the state prison, I could get an old inmate uniform...they used to wear the black and white stripes before they gave in to the more trendy bright orange!  I' m thinking frugality, here guys.  A home made version of these designer suits at a fraction of the cost!

Now looking at the two "more daring" styles:  That zebra print that's a combination of a bikini and a one piece looks like it could be a real problem in a "bathroom emergency,"  which at my age is likely to occur.....especially after a few margaritas and a cool breeze blowing in off the ocean!  And the orange "Brazillian style," which she says means less coverage in the back; translation:  THONG--at my age so WRONG!

I guess the video isn't that helpful after all.  It's a case of too little, too late!  It's too late for me to be wearing so little!


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19 comments:

Brian Miller said...

lol...

rose said...

too much money for too little item.

Coffee Slut said...

I wish I had the body to wear any of those, not that I would!

My name is PJ. said...

..by pulling the skirt up and sewing it to the bra! MWAHAHAHA!

Actually, the skirt is at least headed in the same southerly direction as my breasts.

R. J. said...

That's fun. I can't relate to the bikini world. I'm not their "target" market. This reminds me of the times I shop for my grandchildren in the children's department. We've all been children when we could wear children's clothing and we've all been sixteen when we could wear bikini swimwear. At my stage of life, I don't see myself in either. It's more fun to be the wise-ass matron.

natalee said...

LOL!!! As usual.. a cup of coffee and your awesome funnies made my morning!!!!

DJan said...

There should be a law against old ladies wearing bikinis, me included! They are made for women who don't need to wear anything. I have only once worn a two-piece bathing suit, and it sure wasn't the size of these!! I enjoyed the post.

Fragrant Liar said...

Bathing suit fashions are absurd. Shall I tell you why? Heh, heh, like you have a choice!

First, it's the same thing every year (since the '50s) and they keep trying to make it fresh and new. It's not. Second, bikinis are the WORST standardized clothing item for women's bodies EVER because it causes more body-image anxiety than anything else in the history of fashion! If you're young and skinny, fine. But if you're not, and most of us are not, where's the exciting media push and acceptance for suits that actually make the rest of the population feel good about getting into them and exposing themselves to the public?

Okay, rant complete.

Steven Anthony said...

I guess you'll just have to go to the nude beaches from now on...lol

Kristina P. said...

I'm sure you could totally pull off any of these.

Amber said...

Oh my.....I have to say this Thursday Morning I wasn't in the best mood and you surely fixed that...Your writing made me smile! Scared to think that I am not to far from retirement (still have time, but not to far)

Thank You
Amber

Katie said...

I will never be able to wear a bikini. God made me fat for a reason. If I was skinny - I'd be a complete slut. So - I'm fat and a prude. MUCH better/safer this way!

:-)

Eva Gallant said...

Amber: So happy to start your day with a smile!

Steven: Yikes! That would be a sight for sore eyes--or to make eyes sore!

CoffeeSlut: you and me both!

Rose: That is certainly true!

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Seriously, bikinis just seem to be getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller....or is it that I just keep getting LARGER?!! Sigh!

Maxabella said...

Great read. I love being post-children 'cos I blame them for not being in 'bikini' shape. Truth is, I haven't been able to work a bikini since about the age of ten. And even then a onesie would have been kinder.

The Retired One said...

I applaud you for your creative ideas on making your bikini and "going green" by doing those...in my case, people would be "going green" (as in vomiting) if I attempted to wear a bikini. LOL

jfb57 said...

Oh I just love this! I'm a retired head teacher so know exactly where you are coming from! Grea to yhave found your blog!

Eva Gallant said...

jfb57: I'm glad you found my blog, too!

Maxabella: A onesie might make a great swimsuit, but I'd need help snapping the crotch! lol

Pat said...

I thought Target competed pretty well with the name brand suits. You'd think this was sponsored by Target! LOL! In either case, I couldn't fit in ANY of those suits - I'm with you on the tong, sista!