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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Saturday Silliness

The Yellow Toad
So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads," begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?"

"Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes:

"Abracapokus! You're brown!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown ! Except..... for his weenie, which is still yellow.

"Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!"

"Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes okay it's a coincidence, but it's true).

"Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't get any action from she bears cuz they don't want to be seen with me on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off."

Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand. "Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here." she says. And with that, she yells: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple.

"Hold up sweetheart!", he says to the fairy godmother, "My goolies are still purple!"

"Yeah, well I don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that."

"Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?"

"Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off...........

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~you know what's coming don't you ?


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she flew off, saying.......


"Just follow the yellow-dick toad !! "



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Read before watching video....


Poor little "Snookums", needs to go outdoors once in a while.  So, my darling wife decided to install a little door with hinges, so "Snookums" can go outside whenever she wants. My wife is very clever and handy with tools, so I decided to let her "handle" the installation all by herself. (Actually, she really doesn't want any help from me because I just might to tell her "how" to do it, or "where" to install it!)

She is always telling me, "Just because I'm blonde, doesn't mean I can't do anything"!

So, I decided to just sit back and videotape her while she is working. (Besides, it's HER cat, and I never did like that fleabag, anyway!) Being the thoughtful and understanding husband that I am, it's only right that I applaud her for a "Job-Well-Done"! Oh, did I mention that my wife is "Blonde"?

Okay, it's time to watch the video.

video

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THE UGLY FROG



An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.


He whispered, I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.  So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog. IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.


THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS. SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?



COME ON GUESS!









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SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!


She's old...... NOT DEAD!!!


OLD LADIES ROCK !


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14 comments:

Respectfully Yours said...

Oh my God, you crack me up. Loved the cat one...but then again, I am not a cat fan....LOL

Tam said...

Eva, you're hilarious! Thanks for the laughs :)

Eva Gallant said...

Respectfully: Glad I could make you smile...I'm not a big cat fan, either.

Tam: Thanks. Every weekend should start with a laugh!

natalee said...

OH I think I am crying I am laughing so hard.. from the Holiday Inn Thingy!! i don't know where you get them but I love starting my saturdays with you girlie!!!!!!!!!!! hugs xoxoxox

Brian Miller said...

the fist holiday inn...you are a riot eva...happy saturday to you!

R. J. said...

I like the psychedelic frog. I won't be able to get the song about the yellow brick road out of my head all day, but I'm hearing yellow dick toad in those lyrics.

Candice said...

Yellow dicked toads are very common here in Texas.

Elenka said...

Somedays I can't wait to visit your site, I know I will get a chuckle, and chuckles are wicked important.

lakeviewer said...

Stop it! Too much of a good thing so early in the morning. I have to take a break after reading and laughing so hard.

Eva Gallant said...

Elenka: You are so right. They say you extend your life a few minutes everytime you laugh; my goal is to keep us all on this planet as long as possible!

Ann On and On... said...

Those are all stories I'll repeat... I might screw them up a bit, but whatever. I'm still giggling!

Wanderlust said...

Thanks, as ever, for the laughs! I'm thinking I might have turned into the nearest Holiday Inn and slept but maybe that's something to do with having 2 young kids...

Pat said...

Great jokes! Now if only I can remember them! Ha ha!

Marla said...

Eva, you are too much!! LOL