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Saturday, September 18, 2010

Saturday Silliness

Life Explained:

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.  On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long ime to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.  On the third day, God created the cow and said:

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.  On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.... For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.



*********************
 




...is 70 years old.


Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with

 no brains,

 no hearts,

 and no courage,

she wouldn't be in Oz. . . .

She'd be in Congress!




*******************************


A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

 "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too".

he man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.


****************



SEX AT 82!




I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 82!

I'm sooooo happy, because I live at #73 ... So it's not too far to walk home afterwards!




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15 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hehe. life makes so much sense to me now...dont you love how our choices bite us..though i look forward to being a monkey one day...enjoy that walk...smiles.

Vodka Logic said...

Funny thanks.. I like short and sweet... the last was great

Steven Anthony said...

Ah ha...it all becomes clear now, lol

Bossy Betty said...

Loved it! Life explained by Eva!

Don't I Know You? said...

First joke - favorite – now everything makes sense. :-)

natalee said...

LOL!!! I don't know where you get these from.. but Eva my dear You never disappoint!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!! PS my FAV is SEX at 82!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claudia said...

LOL - you have such a sense of humor…
have a great weekend and don't do too many monkey tricks…smiles

Jen said...

Good ones.....you are too funny!

Rose said...

all 3 great storys. esp loved the 1st one .thanks rose

Poetic Shutterbug said...

Too funny, thanks for the laughs.

Pat said...

I love the drunk on a swing joke! Crazy!

And sex at 82? Uh, could you give me the full address, PLEASE? Duh!

Love your Saturday Silliness!

lakeviewer said...

Oh You!

tattytiara said...

Oh Eva you darling, your blog is so much fun!

My name is PJ. said...

Oh my gosh, that first one is priceless! You always find something new and funny!!

Eva Gallant said...

Steven: Glad I could clear that up for you! lol

Don'tIKnow: You'll learn all kinds of things here if you keep coming back!

Jen: Glad you liked them!

Rose: Always like making you smile!