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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Saturday Silliness


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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so, I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked.. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini,""You'd never get it all in one."

He's still in intensive care


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A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn, Bob, you're hung!"  Jim exclaims..

"I wasn't always this impressive; I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.
"Well, every day for the past two years, I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it."

Jim agrees and the two depart.   A few months later the two are back in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, we don't use butter, so I've been using Crisco."
Wait for it ..........

Wait ...........

You know it's coming...

"Crisco!!  Bob exclaimed. Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!"


MORAL OF THE STORY: You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!


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A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. He explained to her that her work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on her road, and he set her up with her brushes and paint and got her started.

After the first day, he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8 hour shift. He told her that she did an excellent job and how pleased he was with her progress.

On the second day, she completed painting 2 miles of road. Her supervisor was surprised that on day one she had completed twice as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure she would pick up her speed again.

On day 3 he was shocked to learn that in her 8 hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road. He called her into his office and asked her what was the problem, "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road." "Can I ask you, what is the problem?"

"Well, she replied, I keep getting farther and farther from the paint can."


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I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Buzz Aldrin


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16 comments:

Ratz said...

Haha!

My name is PJ. said...

Crisco!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Brian Miller said...

need to go to the store...we are out of butter now...

Dee Crowe said...

ahahhahahahah oh that is good..love it!

Jen said...

HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Good ones, Eva. LIght or regular buttter,hhhhhmmmmmmm.

singedwingangel said...

Roflmbo Oh OH those are great

OF SPRING AND SUMMER said...

Thank you for your visit to my blog. I did have a lot of fun visiting your blog!!
Have a good weekend.

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

oh I can't stop laughing at the bikini joke. I am going to remember that one for sure!
Rosemary

Steven Anthony said...

Damn....butter, thats what I was doing wrong ;)

Kitty Moore said...

Hilarious! I've missed you Eva but I'm back now and I don't intend to be away for that long again! x

tattytiara said...

Buzz Aldrin is a frickin' genius.

Claudia said...

OMG - so you gave him some intensive care...all in one - so funny

Queen-Size funny bone said...

parkay! butter!

Eva Gallant said...

Ratz: Made you giggle!

Dee: Glad you enjoyed it!

Jen: I think anything that's not shortening is okay! lol

OfSpring: Hope you come back soon!

Steven: lol

Pat said...

I'm gonna buy a whole lotta butter!

K A B L O O E Y said...

My favorites were the bookends: the bikini and the willy. But a good bunch. Loved your "wait for it" as much as the joke.