Thursday, October 14, 2010

Close, But No Cigar!

Forbes Magazine announced their choices as the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World.  By my calculations, I must have just missed that list.  How do I know this?  Easy.

1.  No less than 3 times per week my phone rings and I hear a recorded voice say, "Please hold for a very important message."   I usually hang up, but maybe if I had "held," I might have made the list.  They probably needed my take on a very important topic.  And my opinion is obviously valued, because they had a recording call me!  So urgent is the need of my response, they can't even wait to have a live person call me, they have a tele-bot do it.

2.  Mrs. Madeline Johnson has sent me an email requesting my help in securing her late husband's fortune from Nigeria.  The poor man was killed in a plane crash, and I'm the only person she trusts on the whole Internet to help her get her hands on the $530,000,000 that he deposited in a bank there before his untimely death.  Never mind the fact that she is willing to give me a third of the booty for my help, of all the possible dupes people in the world, she chose ME.  (I'll let you know how that goes...unless I'm too busy spending my share at the mall.)

3.  I may have been chosen the winner of the $5,000 per week for life by the Publishers' Clearing House.  (They obviously have gotten wind of that best-selling novel that's lurking in the far corners of my brain.)

4.  Bank of America wants to offer me an exclusive credit card deal for my non-existent business at an unbelievably low rate of interest.

5.  My opinion is critical to a very important political survey regarding President Obama's performance in office.


6.  A recent email has informed me that I can purchase all the Viagra hubby could ever need right here on the 'net!

If those aren't proof that I'm a very near miss for the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World, I don't know what is!  However, I do have a difficult time understanding how I got beat out by the likes of Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga.

Note:  I've known I was destined for greatness ever since in my youth when Smokey the Bear told me only I could prevent forest fires!

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Brian Miller said...

hmmm...i will send them an email arguing your case and if not i will have my cousin in nigeria offer them a small fortune if they put you on the list...smiles.

Joanie M said...

Eva, even in your comments there's proof how powerful you are!!! look at all the nolvadex (whatever the heck that is) you can get! I bet not everyone can get that stuff!

Steven Anthony said...

sounds like proof to me, but then we didnt really need any, we all know how powerful u r:)

David Waters said...

lol, you are one powerful, funny lady :)

Clipped Wings said...

Hey, you have great power in the laughs department. It's wonderful to read your posts, and start the day out laughing my head near off.

The Retired One said...

They missed the mark, Eva..and they will be sad to lose all those endorsements you obviously generate!

Michelle Saunderson said...

Not to mention that you have hoards of people who follow your blog.

lakeviewer said...

I see from the anonymous comment on your list here that you have attracted some extra follower!

See, you are already powerful!

Pat said...

Don't you worry your pretty little head about that PCH ad, since YOURS TRULY is the one who's going to be receiving the $5,000 a week for life. Just saying!

Kristy said...

I must be getting up there in power as well.

natalee said...

LOL!!! Oh you are powerful.. and I must be important too....I get those Nigerian emails all the time

Being Me said...

Your end note.... Can't stop giggling. You are too funny!

wendy said...

ha ha, that was cute.
You and me both sista.

I'd like to see Lady GaGa when she is OUR age.
snoty little brat

Eva Gallant said...

Steven: You are just too sweet!

ClippedWings: Glad I can start your day off with a laugh!

Michelle: It is amazing to me that I have more than 400 followers. I only average 100 to 150 visits a day, though, so they don't all read me every day.

To All: I deleted the annonymous comment as it was a spammer.

Marla said...

What? I thought I was the only one these people were contacting.