Saturday, October 16, 2010

Saturday Silliness

 An 86-year-old Hunter

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said , "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. '"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature."

"Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."


Prostate Exam

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.  The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from  what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".

The guy obeys and says,"99".

The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

Again, the guy  obeys, then says, '99'."

The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your
penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The guy begins, "One .. Two ...Three".


Here is some wisdom attributed to Will Rogers:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.



Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict.  She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.  She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land mines.”

Moral of the story is no matter what language you speak or where you go: BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!

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Ratz said...

Behind every man there is a smarter woman! Agreed LOL

Brian Miller said...

well....smiles.. i have no problem say my wife is one of my most enduring

My name is PJ. said...

Loved them, as always. Rogers was quite a character!

Ann On and On... said...

You had me laughing out loud! I love the one....never miss a good chance to shut up!

I'll take that to go please... :D

Have a great weekend!

David Waters said...

I just spit coffe across the room....that doc one made me snort;)

Steven Anthony said...

as always you brought a smile to my face ;)

Jen said...

EVA, Too funny....I wonder if the guy even could count too 99 ??!!Will Rogers was a character, dry at times, but funny too..

Eddie Bluelights said...

A real treat for us tonight Eva.
"Behind every man there is a smart ass!" LOL
Loved the lion one - in fact they are allllllll goooood!

Poetic Shutterbug said...

I almost peed in my pants, seriously.

Eva Gallant said...

Ratz: It almost goes without saying!

Steven: knowing I made you smile makes me smile.

Jen: Let's hope he made it to the finish!

Pat said...

Priceless, as always! Thanks for the laughs!

Rose said...

all so cute and funny. i love will rogers. rose

Marla said...

How can you not love Will Rogers!