Followers

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Saturday Silliness

The T-Shirts and Mugs are here in plenty of time for the Holidays!
Click here to go shopping at the Wrestling With Retirement Online Store!

****************************

Scary Thoughts:


"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."



"The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals ."


"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead." 


"Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?" (Now that's scary!)




********************************

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I brought you Peeking Duck'.
(please ... no fowl language!)


******************************


They were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party


He turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and they opened the front door to leave the house. 

As they walked out the door, the cat he had put out in the yard, ran back into the house.

They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
The wife went on out to the taxi, while he went back inside to get the cat.

The cat runs upstairs, with him in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, his wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon,  She said, "'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, he got into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he said, as they drove away.  'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out!  She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.   But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!  She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'


The silence in the cab was deafening.


****************



Finally a computer setting I understand!



********************


Blogger Templates
Blogger Templates

15 comments:

Cheeseboy said...

I'm loving all of these hilarious jokes. I'm 34 and I am just starting to learn about the aches thing. It's a painful realization.

Laughing at your awards thing. As someone that accepts them, but doesn't really do anything with them, I feel for you.

Clipped Wings said...

New Year's Eve party is a winner. You always have something that makes me laugh.

Brian Miller said...

oh my sides hurt from the mother under the bed...haha...

the link to your merch is not working...at least not on my end...

Steven Anthony said...

the link isnt working, it made me scratcxh my bucket and woner why? ;)

Debbie said...

Oh God Eva....I roared over the Peeking Duck one!! That's definitely a keeper! You are too funny. Thanks for your humor....I needed that this morning. And thanks for always coming by my blog....I appreciate that.

Martha Ruth said...

Funny stuff, as always. It's come to a point where hubs will ask me on Saturdays "what does the retired lady have today?" Sorry Eva, it's nothing personal. He's terrible with names. I think half the reason he calls me hon or honey is because he has to think too long about what my name is! After close to 30 years together, I still do a double take when he actually says it!


Have a great weekend!
Martha (aka Honey)

Jen said...

Way too funny!! I loved the "new Years Eve".......I wonder if they were in the same taki I've been in where the driver had a nervous twitch....that would have been prieless!

Claudia said...

oh my - that taxi driver...he had a story to tell once he came home...lol

that reminded me of a funny story myself - i was listening to someone talking about hospitality (so i thought) - but the topic was hostility...!!! and now you should've seen me listen - with eyes getting bigger and bigger - always thinking he was talking about hospitality...and me getting more and more confused....that was funny

regarding your comment on my post..yes - i was writing about christ..but he is often referred to as the lover of our soul..so...

David Waters said...

What a hoot;)

Eva Gallant said...

Clipped: That's my goal!

Debbie: Glad you had a good laugh! As far as visiting your blog, we Mainers have to stick together!

Jen: Taxi driver with a twitch...He'd be spastic in that situation!

Bossy Betty said...

Love me some silliness--that last one is completely hilarious!

King of New York Hacks said...

I was silent in the cab because that was the SECOND time I heard that story in the same day ! LOL ;)

Andi @ Jane of all crafts said...

Hello! Visiting from SITS! Thanks for the giggles this am. I love corny jokes so the peeking duck was my favorite. My 4 year old loved it too!

Tam said...

I am totally stealing that Windows message...I LOVE THAT!!!

Pat said...

Peeking duck! Love it!