Monday, November 29, 2010
Boxers or Briefs?
The Scottish Tartan Authority, which is the organization which manages the standards of highland dress, says it's no longer prudent to "go commando" under your kilt. For years, we've wondered what those Scottish laddies wore under their skirts, and yes, for many the answer was "not a thread!"
Now it seems the kilt rental companies (they rent them? Who knew?) are saying that it is "unhygienic" and not even traditional. This is a sad blow for those of us who laciviously imagined all the wearer's man parts were running "free range" under there.
Once the kilt rental companies started requesting that patrons don underwear, the STA folded like a rickety card table and offered their full support. I guess the renters weren't keen on every Scot's junk rubbing all over their plaids. Also, it seems the the midges are plentiful in the Highlands and have been known to launch full-frontal attacks on the "true Scotsmen."
Scots actually use the term 'regimental' rather than 'commando' in referring to the practice of wearing the kilt sans undies. It seems there was actually an inspection process used. I found the rules for this on line and have copied them below:
Rules of Engagement for Certified Kilt Inspectors:
Kilt inspections are to be performed only after receiving permission (or an invitation). If a guy inspects up your skirt without your permission he'd go to jail.
Kilt inspections are to be done using either one or both hands or the eyes. A "lift & peek" is a sure sign of an amateur kilt inspector.
A "lift & peek" is acceptable only when the kilt wearer is doing the lifting and the inspector is doing the peeking. If an inspection has not been requested by all peekers then it is flashing, not an inspection.
It is appropriate to provide a reward after one passes inspection. It is also appropriate to provide punishment if one fails inspection.
Now what do you suppose the reward was for passing regimentation? A free can of bug spray?
I suppose this means job obsolescence for Certified Kilt Inspectors--just when I was about to inquire about the process of becoming one!
Going forward, when you see a fellow in a kilt, I guesss the only question will be "Boxers or Briefs?"