Take Cindarella for example. We were told that the prince chased her down, placed the glass slipper on her foot, proposed, and they went off to live happily in his castle. Not so. In reality, his parents, the King and Queen, refused to allow him to marry a commoner. He ended up with the ugly daughter of the Earl of Lancaster, and Cinderella ended up hanging out in local pubs turning tricks just to to survive, much to her wicked stepmother and ugly stepsiters' delight.
You remember Snow White? That story of how she bit into the magic apple and fell into a deep sleep and was awakened by the kiss of the handsome prince, and they lived happily yadda, yadda, yadda? That wasn't the whole story. Sure, she married the prince. What they didn't tell us is, she became pretty much a baby factory, popping out a princely pooper and pisser every year, working her fingers to the bone, tending the kids and cleaning his castle. Yeah, he pretty much kept her barefoot and pregnant, while he sat around drinking beer and watching ESPN.
Little Red Riding Hood? The truth be told here, after the Woodsman shot the Big Bad Wolf, she and grandma skinned and gutted him--the wolf, not the woodsman. Then they opened up the first Wonderful Wolfburger franchise on their side of the woods.
Between the BBQ wolfburgers, and her Grandma's elderberry wine, little Red ate and drank her way to obesity, lamenting the fact that they could have made a fortune on the circus circuit, touring with that talking wolf, if they hadn't over-reacted!
Then there was Sleeping Beauty. You know the drill; a wicked witch cast a spell whereby she was to prick her finger and die. A good fairy tried to intervene but was only able to amend the spell from death to a 100 year nap, unless she were to be awakened by her true love. The prince showed up, planted a smackeroo on her ruby red lips, she awakened, they wed, etc.
Well, like most privileged men of the era, the prince decided to diddle a few damsels on the side. One of his daliances was with a lovely dish from Africa, who, unbeknownst to all, was harboring a tsetse fly in her Beehive hairdo. Said tsetse fly came home with the prince and decided to have a little bite of the beautiful princess. She came down with African trypanosomiasis (sleeping sickness) and was never fully awake again. The prince blamed himself, and consumed with guilt, never left her side to the end of his days.
The last we heard, he had moved with her from the castle to an assisted living facility just outside the city limits.
Remember Belle, of Beauty and the Beast? She was sent to live with the Beast in exchange for her father's freedom. (Her dad was a helluva nice guy, wasn't he?) Eventually, Belle fell for the Beast, and when she thought he was dying and burst into tears, her tears broke the spell a fairy had cast on him. It turned out he was actually a handsome prince (aren't they all?) and they hooked up. Happy ending, almost.
In reality, he was very shallow, and insisted she get botox and plastic surgery to maintain her beauty. He died, and she, by then hooked on plastic surgery, made a career for herself as a singer. She chose to leave her royal roots behind and took the name Cher.
The Little Mermaid, came to the saddest end of all. I think the photo is self-explanatory. Poor Ariel eventually found her way into a fisherman's net and was later served up at a sushi bar.
Note: I would love to give someone credit for the photos, but I don't know who the photographer is. I took the liberty of creating plausible explanations for the photos.
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