Saturday, November 13, 2010

Saturday Silliness

Skydiving What Ifs

Recently, I got to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jumpmaster looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Faulty Financial Planning?

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.  When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.   One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million.."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

The Hypnotist At The Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center, and over 300 Seniors came to see the show. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed:   "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch, it's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch. . . "

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's' fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

'SHIT!' exclaimed the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.


Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vagas, but there are more Catholic churches than Casinos.  Not surpisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rater than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.  The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.


Have a great weekend, and don't forget if you need a gift for someone who's retiring, shop at the Wrestling With Retirement Gift Shop!

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Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Nope, I absolutely did not see that coming. Good Saturday Silliness.

My name is PJ. said...

The Senior Center was my fave!

R. J. said...

I agree that women are better financial planners. The guy should make sure dear old dad gets a pre-nup. Isn't this interesting?

"Some pre-nuptial agreements also carry a sunset clause. This means that it will expire after a certain period of time. In the state of Maine, a pre-nuptial agreement expires after the birth of the first child. In other states, these agreements will expire after a number of years and couples who wish to continue the agreement will have to renew it."

Money is no laughing matter sometimes.

Brian Miller said...

i might qualify to be a chip monk...sounds devout...chuckling and thanking you for them...

Debbie said...

Chip Monk!!....Too much Eva!

David Waters said...

ha, chip munks....and i think we had the same sky diving

Jen said...

Good ones , Eva,.I like chip monks!!!!!!

Debbie said...

Oh, how I loved the stepmother one! Brilliant.

natalee said...

LOL!!! I love your blog for my Saturday Laughs... LOL!! OMG!! Eva you go girl with your gift shop///// WOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle Saunderson said...

I love the chip

Eva Gallant said...

Debbie: Sorry, I just couldn't help myself!

Jen: yeah, I liked that one, too.

She Writes said...

Nope, not even for a second did I know what was coming :). You make me laugh!

Pat said...

They'd better not have that hypnotist at this "Over 55" resort - there's 1500 sites here - and that's a LOT of shit!

Eva Gallant said...

Michelle: Glad if I made you giggle!