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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Saturday Silliness

Elk Sex

Two guys are drinking in a Bar.

One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Aw crap...," says his friend, "and I joined the VFW!"


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He was stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he was going. "I'm on my way to listen to a lecture about the Effects of Alcohol and Drug Abuse on the Human Body"

The policeman asked, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife", he responded.

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During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and tell them to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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10 Finkers

Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."

"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord- it's 2010 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
Ole says........."How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?

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Down in Lafourche Parish , Louisiana , Boudreaux gets a job with BP helping with the cleanup gulf oil spill. He reports for work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his assignment. He finds the man and asks, "What it is I supposed to do?"

 The supervisor tells him to go to the animal shelter and clean the pelicans.  Two hours later, Boudreaux comes up to the supervisor and says, "Okay. dey all cleaned. You want me to cook some rice ????

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Defining Calories:


Calories are the little buggers that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.


MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!




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Have a great day!

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11 comments:

David Waters said...

hahahahah as always a great laugh:)

River said...

I love the "finkers" one and I have those pesky calories in my clothes drawers too.

Elenka said...

Yeah, those calories....little buggers. I had to read some of your jokes outloud to my husband!

The Retired One said...

Cute, Eva...loved the one about how he was supposed to pick up his fingers....hahaaaa

SisterMerryHellish said...

Sending the pelican one to my coonass relatives! They'll get just as big a kick out of it as I did!

lakeviewer said...

That's it! I'm reporting you. I'm signing you up for Funny Anonymous.

Eva Gallant said...

River: If only there was a way to get rid of those pesky calories...like cutting off their finkers!

ModernMom said...

Oh oh. I picked the bucket! lol I loved reading your blog today.

Pat said...

I had to read the Ole one to my husband since he's from up nort dar in Minny-sota! We had a good laugh! Thanks!

Michelle Saunderson said...

Dang pesky calories.

Eva Gallant said...

Michelle: If you figure out how to rid your closet of them, let me know!