Saturday Silliness

Surprise!

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."
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Living by the Rules

WOMEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO:  SNORE, BURP, SWEAT OR PASS GAS.

THEREFORE, WE MUST BITCH OR WE BLOW UP!!

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Married Men Go Fishing

First guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend..'

Second guy: That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third guy: Man , you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him,You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?

Fourth guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.  When it went off, I shut off my alarm, Gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:  'Fishing or Sex?'

And she said: 'Wear sun-block.'

*****************

PS. Don't forget to register for my Taste of Heaven in a Jar giveaway! What giveaway, you say? Where have you been? Click here to check that out! And BTW Baconnaise is Kosher, Vegetarian safe, and is available as Baconnaise Light!   Entry Deadline is Midnight, August 1st.  No Joke!

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Booty Pop Panties

Once again, I find there's a beauty product out there that I totally missed!  Booty Pop Panties are described as "body enhancing."  If you don't have enough junk in your trunk, here's the instant solution!  You can go "from flat to fab" in seconds!  Darn....It's taken me years to go from flat to fab, and all the way to fat!

Little did I know I could have skipped all that pizza, fries, burgers, and chocolate and achieved the same look in Black Licorice or Carmel Nude for $19.95 plus $6.95 shipping!  So much cheaper and so much quicker!  And I could have a pair to wash and a pair to wear for that price!  Who knew??? 

Well, I feel a responsibility to let all you ladies out there know that you no longer have to take the tedious slow route through pizza, burgers, and fries, like I did!  You can  save time, trouble, and money!
All you need to do is click here to go to Booty Pop Panties website and check out the video and order your own huge butt  enhanced derriere! 

There is a warning or disclaimer on the website that I copied, because I wanted to be sure you knew what you were "getting into," so to speak:

So happy booty boosting, all!


PS.  Don't forget to register for my Taste of Heaven in a Jar giveaway!  What giveaway, you say?  Where have you been?  Click here to check that out!  And BTW Baconnaise is Kosher, Vegetarian safe, and is available as Baconnaise Light!


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Thrown for a Loop Thursday!

(Just a reminder...if you missed my post yesterday, Baron Bob and I are doing a giveaway.  Click here for the details!)

I know many of you come to my blog looking for a laugh, and I usually do my best to see that you are not disappointed.  But today, there are no laughs. 

I was thrown for a loop when I read about this man's death.  An imigrant from El Salvador, Abelino Mazaniego was sitting on a bench in an upscale New York suburb after finishing his shift in a restaurant when he was beaten unconcious by a group of teenagers.  One of the teens filmed the incident on his cell phone and circulated the video among their friends in Summit, New Jersey.  And as if that wasn't bad enough, when he was taken to the emergency room, a nurse stole $640 in cash from his wallet.

A few days later, Mazaniego died.  He is described by co-workers and others as a "genial, really nice gentleman..... a hard worker."

A 19 year-old, an 18 year-old and a 17 year-old are being charged with murder.  As of yet, no motive has been discussed.  It is not known if the attack was racially motiviated, or a "thrill kill," or something else.  Nor has it been disclosed whether there were others involved in the beating.

Forty-seven year-old Mr. Mazaniego was  a cook's assistant at the Dabbawalla Restaurant, where he had been employed for 3 years.  He had been a husband for 29 years and was the father of four children.  The restaurant has posted his picture with a note stating that he was the sole supporter of his family asking patrons to donate money to help his family.

I was so outraged by this story, I was speechless.  To beat someone senseless, film the attack, and then circulate it among friends??  What is wrong with people?  This to me is sick beyond belief!  I hope the attackers get prosecuted to the full extent of the law.  Life in prison is almost too good for these guys.  (The nurse who stole the cash from an unconscious emergency room patient has been arrested as well. I would hope he has been fired!)
Rest in peace, Abelino Mazaniego, and may your family be safe and strong.



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A Taste of Heaven in a Jar

I thought it was time for a giveaway on my website;  I haven't had one since I gave away the naughty calendar last year.   I don't plan to do give aways on a regular basis; only when I come across something unique.

This time, with the help of Baron Bob, I'm giving away a jar of Baconnaise. Baron Bob sent me this to try after I featured his Wine Rack on my blog.  Let me tell you--this is yummy stuff, and surprisingly is not high in fat or sodium content!  I used it today in egg salad sandwiches.  It gave the sandwiches a really delicious hint of bacon.  (I used half light mayo and half Baconnaise.  Next time I'll go a little heavier on the Baconnaise!) 

 It's also great for making deviled eggs, potato salad, BLT's and there's a host of other possibilities that I haven't had time to try yet....Like I bet it's great on a cheeseburger or even a hot dog!

By now you're drooling and wondering how to score some of this miracle in a jar.  Okay, here's the deal:  (1)Comment on this blog that you want to get in to win.  (2)Become a friend of Baron Bob's Facebook page   and let Bob know came there from Wrestling With Retirement.   Those are the only requirements.  (You don't even have to follow me, but if you're not a follower  and decide to follow me, I'd be thrilled.  I'm just not requiring it for eligibility.)The deadline to enter is August 1st, and I will announce the winner on Monday, August 2nd.

It's that simple.  (I'm not a fan of give aways that make you jump through hoops to participate!) Just to recap:  (1)Comment here, and  (2)friend Bob on Baron Bob's facebook page, and tell him you came there from Wrestling With Retirement.  Hurry; you have 5 days to get in to win!

 I recommend also that you visit his website, because he has the coolest joke gifts you've ever seen.  If you have a party coming up that requires a gift, you'll find something hilarious for your Mom, your Dad, your spouse, a sibling, or a co-worker that everyone will remember!  (Caution:  some gifts are risque, others are downright disgustingly funny!)

Make sure your email address is available on your profile so I can contact you to let you know you're the winner.  Then I'll get your shipping address and Baron Bob will ship you your own "heaven in a jar" Baconnaise!

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I Dump 4 U?

Just when I thought I'd heard it all, a new one comes my way. There is actually a relationship breakup service for those who don't have the kahoonas to do it themselves. It's called I Dump 4 U and for $10, this online service will make the phone call to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend for you. For $25, you can have someone break your engagement with a phone call, and for a mere $50 you can arrange a call to your spouse announcing that you want a divorce! Below is a recording of one of their service calls. (If you enjoy this one, there are many more on their website?)



If their fees are just a little rich for your wallet YouBrokeUpHow will do the same for $10, $20, and $40. This disclaimer appears on the website:

Humans are emotional beings, with that in mind we are unable to predict how someone will re-act to any given situation. When breaking up with someone it can be a very trying time in someone's life. You agree that YOUBROKEUPHOW.com, its owners and all affiliated with the 'SITE' are not responsible for any damage or harm that may come to you and your property when dumping a person using our service. If you feel afraid or threatened to due any form of 'ABUSE' you should contact the proper authorities. By submitting this form you allow YOUBROKEUPHOW.com to send an email on your behalf.

Another company, MooseJaw Breakup Service will even post the call on UTube, so you can savor the moment, I guess. Make sure your volume is at the maximum when you play the video, as it is a little difficult to hear.



And then there's AU REVOIR. this company will handle break ups, or any bad news. Got an STD and are shy about telling your partner? Au Revoir will do it. Married, but want to break up with your mistress? Au Revoir will do it. Children have something they are afraid to tell their parents? Au Revoir will do it. Breaking it off with your partner? Au Revoir will not only make that break up phone call, they will send a parting gift such as a fruit basket, a manicure/pedicure gift certificate, or a teddy bear!



Maybe you haven't reached that point in your relationship; maybe you don't have a relationship. You're at a bar and some guyor gal hits on you and asks for your phone number. If you don't want them to call you, but don't have the heart to say so, there now is a Rejection Hotline which provides phone numbers in each state which you can give to the guy or gal. When he or she calls, he/she gets a recorded message letting them know they have been rejected, possible reasons why, and a suggestion that they get over it! (It's worth going to that site and getting the hotline number for your state and calling...the message is humorous!)


I suppose in this age of online dating services, it was inevitable that these types of service would spring up. After all, nothing says you care like a call from a stranger saying, "It's over. " 




It seems Paul, there are now 51 ways to leave your lover!




I'm now kicking myself that I didn't think of it first.  Apparently there is money to be made!  Entrepreneurship is alive and well in the USA!



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Down-Size, Anyone?

Sometimes you reach a point in life, where it's time to make some changes; the kids are grown and gone.  You find yourself sitting in a 5 bedroom house and you only need one.  Or maybe you are widowed or divorced, and the cost of your current mortgage or rent for the space you are in is a burden you can no longer bear.

If you've ever thought of down-sizing, because up keep of your home is getting to be just too, much, this video is for you!   

Personally, I'm not sure I could fit my wide butt through the front door,  though I find the whole idea fascinating!  I know I couldn't climb that little ladder to the attic sleeping quarters, either, but those are obstacles that most people wouldn't face.  I like his idea of making minimul impact on the environment, and economically, you can't beat the bargin!  The portablility factor is pretty appealing, too.  Want to winter in the south and summer in the north?  Done!
He has his own website (click here), and your can purchase custom-designed house plans from him so you can build your own home, or buy a ready-made home from him and have it delivered.  The website has lots of photos and videos; you may want to visit, just for the novelty of it!

Note:  I have not been compensated in anyway for featuring this information on Tumbleweed Tiny Homes; I just was so fascinated by the whole idea, I had to share it!


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Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

Jonathan's at 92 Bourne Lane in Ogunquit is a wonderful place to spend an evening!  We had never been here before, but we certainly will go back again.

There are several dining areas in the restaurant; large lovely rooms, with views of the gardens outside

There's a full bar, as well as smaller, more intimate rooms, for a more private experience.

We were seated in one of the smaller rooms, which was really cozy.  It took a while to browse the menu and make a decision, because there were so many choices to pick from, and all were appealing!

I started with a Pina Colada, while hubby had a Bloody Mary...which apparently was delicious, because he had guzzled half of it before I could take a photo!

We had garden salads which were very fresh with a variety of crispy greens, grape tomatoes, purple onions, cucumber slices, and bits of shredded carrots topped with a light Italian dressing.

Hubby had the baked haddock with seafood stuffing, accompanied by mashed potatoes and a mixture of roasted tomatoes, zucchini, and summer squash topped with slivers of fresh parmesan cheese.

I opted for the Surf and Turf; a wonderful Sirloin steak topped with a homemade Worcestershire sauce and crisp fried onion rings, the mashed potato, vegetables, and:

A grilled lobster tail with drawn butter!  The steak was to die for--so tender and that homemade Worcestershire sauce....well, it was easily the best steak I've ever had.  And what's not to love about a piece of tail?  I also have to mention the seasoned mashed potatoes that were creamy and delicious with their hint of garlic--and I'm really not a fan of mashed potatoes, usually.  (I ate every last bite of these!)

With happy tummies, we went upstairs to enjoy the rest of the evening: Desserts and entertainment.

I was not disappointed by the blueberry cheesecake.  It was light, creamy and scrumptious, garnished with a few sugared fresh blueberries and half a strawberry!

Hubby had the Tiramisu which was topped with a fresh raspberry.  It disappeared rather quickly, and I heard no complaints!

After having our desserts, we were entertained by Paula Poundstone.  If you've never seen her, then you have missed a great time.

 She is so hysterically funny, I literally laughed so hard I cried!

She has the ability to involve the audience in her comedy and kept a full house (I would guess around 250 of us) in stitches for over 2 hours.  And she manages to be that funny without resorting to raunchiness.

After the show, Paula graciously made herself available for photos, an opportunity I couldn.t resist!  So here's me and my new BFF, Paula!  All in all, it was a perfect evening; exquisite food and great entertainment!

The only criticism I have of the evening is that we were crammed in like sardines for the entertainment part of the night.  I know they probably want to get as many ticket sales as possible, but there was hardly any space betwen the chairs.  Once you were seated, forget about getting up again.  I shudder to think what would have happened had there been a fire.  Thankfully, there wasn't.

Note:  I was not compensated in any way for this post; the opinions offered are mine and mine alone.

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Saturday Silliness

There Are Worse Things


A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!"

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Earl And Bubba


Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says,


"Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,

"Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."



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THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER




Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds "

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years,"  my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"



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Heaven or Hell?

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a
sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my Goodness,"  says the old lady,  "now what is happening?'

"Not to worry,"  says St. Peter,  "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

"You can't go to that nasty place,"  says St. Peter.  "You'll be raped and taken advantage of."

"Maybe so,"  says the old lady,  "but I've already got the holes for that!"

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A New Kind of Tango

This came on my email, and it was so amazing I had to post it.   It's a couple doing a pole-dancing tango.  The strength, agility  and balance required are extreme.   Hope you enjoy it!  (If you click on the little box on the lower right hand corner of the video, you can see it nearly full screen, but the image is slightly blurred.}

Somehow, I don't think this is an activity I'll be taking up any time soon...how about you?

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Hangers Could Become Racks!

There was so much positive response to "Hangers," that I've had to rethink things.  A little research, and "voila!"  Hangers could become Racks! 

If you read yesterday's post, you know that my idea for a seniors chain to rival Hooters, was predicated on the assumption that older ladies' hooters are hangers, rather than perky things.  Well, guess what?  There is a product out there that can serve a dual purpose:  turn those hangers into perky "racks,"  and also make it easier for these senior ladies to dispense beverages while working at Hangers!


It's called the Wine Rack.  (How appropro is that??)  This baby can turn sagging "C's" to delightful "D's".   It's as comfortable as a sports bra, is available in small and medium, and can hold up to 25 oz. of your favorite beverage.  There's a dispenser tube, and an on/off valve to control the flow.  No carpel tunnell issues from balance heavy trays of drinks!

Somehow, I suspect customers will be jockeying for position to get their glasses filled with Metamucil Martinis and Pepto Bismols on the Beach when they come from this dispenser!  Of course you have to use your imagination and put a 60-plus lady in the Wine Rack!  (You know, a few stretch markes, a few wrinkles, etc.) 

In case you are wondering where I found such a perfect product for my purposes, it's available at Baron Bob's Gift Store.  This many other unique finds are on line at his store!  I encourage you to browse...you may see something you just can't live without!

Note:  I have not been compensated in any way for featuring this site.  I found it and just had to share it!



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A New Career for Senior Ladies

After I posted my thoughts last week about looking for just the right part-time job to supplement my social security, I was amazed at the number of readers who were looking for similar work.  It's not just the extra money; I think it's a desire to be useful and make a difference, while doing something enjoyable.

The day before yesterday, Kristina at Pulsifer Predilections wrote a post called "Give A Hoot"   highlighting Orange Pride:  the opportunity that the Hooters Restaurant Chain gives their employees to earn money for college, learn the value of hard work, and learn the value of serving others.  The post included a video of an assortment of Hooters' alumni (It seems there are 600,000 of them out there!) expressing their gratitude for having been given these opportunities.

The video and the post really got me thinking.  When I was a teen, we didn't have Hooters as a training ground.  Sure, I did carhop at an A & W Rootbeer Drive-In (and now they talk about Orange Attitude), but I never learned about Orange Anything. We wore white shirts with button down collars under plaid vests that totally down-played our out-standing points qualities, so to speak.  I mean, my Hooters were kept under cover!  Who knows where I would be today, had I been given the opportunity to flaunt them in the face of the future?

I totally missed that chance, as did many of my peers.  Maybe it's not too late.  Maybe we could start a chain of restaurants geared to seniors, staffed by seniors, serving a strictly seniors menu.  We could be open from 11:00 a.m. thru 5:30 p.m.   (Seniors tend to eat early--if we eat late, we find it hard ot get to sleep by 9:30 p.m--that whole indigestion thing.)  Those short hours would allow the senior servers to work a short shift; and if there were enough working, no one would have to work more than 6 hours per week, which was one of my requirements.

                                                                         Hangers

Of course, we couldn't name the chain Hooters, that's been taken;  and when people think Hooters, they think all standing up and perky, if you get my drift.  We could call our restaurant "Hangers," because, let's face it, most of us senior ladies have hanging hooters, rather than perky hooters!  And those senior gentlemen who would frequent our tables don't have the best eyesight anymore, so hanging hooters as opposed to perky hooters wouldn't matter that much.

The menu could include puree of chicken wings, floppy fries, and chopped cheeseburger chowder...all items being denture friendly!  You choose:  Do you want to chew your meal, gum it, or guzzle it?  Drinks could include Metamucil Martinis, Pepto Bismol On the Beach, Viagra Surprise, and  Wrinkled Nipples.

I could really be on to something here!  What do you think??



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MotorCycle Mamas

July is Women's Motorcyle Month; one in 10 motorcyle owners is a woman.  There are nearly six million women riders out there, and the average age is 40!  There are young mothers, career women, even grandmothers riding.  I have a niece who recently purchased her first bike.  She's in her early 40's and is hooked, and tries to get a ride in as often as possible.  Her enthusiasm has inspired one of the women who works with her to get a motorcycle herself!

All this talk of women on wheels made me curious...also I sensed some good blog fodder.  I browsed the internet and found the following fascinating video that gives some history that I was totally unaware of regarding women motorcyclists.  I hope you'll watch and enjoy it.


I tried to embed the video, but I kept getting a message that there was an error, so to see the video, you need to click here.    I apologize that I couldn't put the video here on my blog, but I hope you'll go watch it and come back!


My sons both owned motorcycles and the things really scare me. I breathed a sigh of relief when the younger of the two finally got rid of his. (He totalled it while living in Arizona, and fortunately survived with road burn, bruises and a badly broken wrist.) The older son had sold his months before.
My own motorcycle experience is limited.  I once had an adult education student who gave me a ride on his bike when I had to drop my car off to be serviced.  That was a 20-mile ride and I hung on for dear life!  I was in my late twenties, and he was trying to scare the pants off the teacher, I'm sure!  Then, when I was divorced and in my mid-thirties I had a very good male friend who had a bike and we sometimes went to the beach together on it.  (He was much more cautious and I enjoyed the rides more than the first one.)

To those women who are far more daring than I, I salute you!

But don't expect this granny to be bombing around on a bike anytime soon, unless it's in my dreams!

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Duplicity and Infidelity

I have a tarnished history.  I strayed in my 27-year marriage.  I'm not proud of it, but I can't deny what happened.  Hubby and I worked it out, and things have been great better for some time now.   Maybe some of you remember when the truth came out.  To refresh your memory, click here .   

Are you back?

I know; it was ugly, and sordid, and I'm ashamed of my weakness.  I have to confess, I had a little taste of a manage-a-trois, and it was not totally unpleasant.  I think what I didn't like, was my hubby being a part of it all.  I guess I wanted to believe he was above that sort of thing. 

As you know, I've been taking it easy for quite a while due to some on-going health problems.  (Ear infection, that over a period of weeks spread to become a sinus infection, bronchitis, and then pneumonia).  I'm not looking for sympathy...I just want to explain that resting and being very inactive may not have had a very positive effect on me.  You know what they say---"Idle hands are the devil's playthings."

Well, all that  "resting" has opened the door to more trouble.  Now there are TWO males flirting with me, teasing me, tempting me when Hubby is otherwise occupied--which during baseball season is frequently.  I'm trying to resist, really I am.  But their lure is so compelling, so decadently sinful, I fear I may soon be lost!

Maybe someone out there has been where I am; tempted and in danger of giving in....of letting go and giving myself totally.  Would it really be so wrong?   Just me, and Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup.............
H
   E
      L 
         P
            !

 

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Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

This weekend in my neck of the woods, it's time for the 45th Annual Yarmouth Clam Festival.  Over 100,000 visitors are anticipated over the 3-days of the Festival, and there are over 6000 pounds of clams waiting to be fried and gobbled up!  I'm not much of a clam person, but I do like the fried dough and other goodies available.  Since it's supposed to be over 90 degrees Saturday and Sunday, I won't be among the visitors; that's just a little to hot for my taste!

Below is a video I was able to get from WLBZ channel 2 -- it seems I'm not alone in my attitude toward clams.





 However, as you see, clams are not the only item on the menu!  You can score pizza, hamburgers, sausage sandwiches, fish chowder, chicken wings, soft pretzels, hot dogs, and strawberry shortcake.  There's something for everyone, plus all kinds of exhibits and activities.  If you think you ate too much and want to burn it off, there are a kayak race, a kids fun run, a bicycle race, and  a 5-mile road race awaiting your participation.  For those less inclined to exercise, there are arts and crafts shows, a firemen's muster, a clam shucking contest, a street dance, a parade, and a Diaper Derby.  Admission to the Festival is free---what a bargain!

Lining up for the diaper derby!

The firemen's muster is always fun to watch!

Lime Rickeys, anyone?

Over 3000 volunteers work at all the food booths and exhibits, and the money taken in supports local youth groups, school groups, non-profit organizations, and churches.  It's a truly amazing community event.





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Saturday Silliness

You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans--relax, here is our real problem.


In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
However, one 18 year old girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating “What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"

They breed and they walk Among US...

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Male or Female?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS:


They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:


These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.



 

                 TIRES:


Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS:


Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES:


These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:


Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:


Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.







                                                                EGG Timers:

  Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

 HAMMERS:


Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

 
 

 
THE REMOTE CONTROL:


Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.





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