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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Saturday Silliness

The Lord and the Blonde

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.  After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again t o cut her hole.  The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward! and said,

"IS THAT YOU LORD?"

The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!"


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                                            How men always ruin romance




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Need a GPS?


The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes.  Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students,

"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." 

A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."

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Always Thinking!
 
 
The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going out in cold weather insufficiently clad.


“There was once a boy,” he said, “who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn’t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!”

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, “What happened to the sled ….?”


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Unnatural Childbirth


A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."


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I can't take credit for any of the above...all came to me on email.


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14 comments:

Pastor Sharon said...

Poor mushroom! LOL

Michelle Saunderson said...

The mushroom cracked me up.

Joanie said...

Funny funny stuff!!!

The one with the sled reminded me of a true event that was very sad, but in the telling now, i'ts kind of humorous (or maybe I'm just sick). In 1995, my brother's 37 year old wife died suddenly from a cerebral hemorrhage. I went to my kids' school to get them and tell them about Aunt Pam. Gina was 11 and Tim was 7. As we were walking to the car, Tim said, "So... is Uncle Mike going to get married again?" the things that kids say. And no, Uncle Mike has not remarried yet.

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Ice fishing in the hockey arena...off course she was blond.
Rosemsry

Out of My Mind said...

THEY ALL CRACKED ME UP!

Thanks for the MULTIPLE laughs. My granddaughter calls it ROFLMAO. I have a hard time with that lingo but it does say it all in just a few letters.

Thanks, my daughter just sent me one of those sad ones that made me cry. This sure came at the PERFECT time! kt

rosaria said...

ICU cracked me!

SisterMerryHellish said...

I've, luckily, never been in ICU, but I know the lack of hospital gown coverage very well! At least it was cool and breezy!

Pat said...

I KNEW there was a reason I liked mushrooms! Ha ha!

Clipped Wings said...

I loved all of this. The veggie one cracked me up...I love mushrooms, lol.

Captain Dumbass said...

Ha! Those were great.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Great fun Eva but hey!. . . I reckon that chap jumping in the bath will miss it and make a silly arse of himself! LOL
I have been busy in the big bad world and just come back to BlogLand ~ Eddie X

tsonodablog said...

The vegetable and ICU....and I'm good for the night. Soooo funny!
You rock Eva.

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

My favorite one was, "Need a GPS"! You find some of the funniest stuff!!

Eva Gallant said...

Michelle: Partial to mushrooms, are we?

OutofMyMind: Glad I could cheer you up!

SisterMerry: A little breeze on the butt can be a good thing!

ClippedWings: Hmmmm...I'm not going to comment on your love of mushrooms!

Tsonodablog: Glad I could make your night!