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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Saturday Silliness

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" The clerk asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.  As the customer fumbled for her wallet, the clerk noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" she asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN ' S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.  I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots and still be afraid of a spider.

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      CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.  The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.  A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo much cheaper.  So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."

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WORDS


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day:  30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "That's because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


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CREATION


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.'

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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said,  "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, " No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."



So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says. 'HEBREWS'

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CREATION:

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.



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A son asked his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies: "Son, tthis shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

 The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

 The father looks at his son in surprise and says:   "Son, all household appliances come in white."


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Now that I've alienated everyone, have a great rest of the weekend!




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16 comments:

SherilinR said...

i don't think any of your readers are delicate enough to be alienated by that post. or else they wouldn't be your readers for long, would they?

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Saturdays here are the best! Don't know which I like better....the man's perspective or the cotton balls and string......

Brian Miller said...

oh my...glad i am not on the milk carton yet...guess its cause i have never been so concerned with being cheap

Claudia said...

oh my - the one with the tampons cracked me up...LOL

Pastor Sharon said...

cigarettes and tampons. . . remind me to never try and save money on certain items. . .
This one cracked me up.

They were all good.
I love Saturdays at your place, Eva.

Miz Dinah said...

Thanks for the chuckle!

Theresa said...

Always love to pop over and Saturdays and get my giggle-on. You find some good ones, Eva! Loved them all.

Can't seem to post under Open Id, so here's my URL
http://tsonodablog.wordpress.com

Clipped Wings said...

I love outragous from you...no alienation here. The tampon one is priceless.

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Glad to hear you enjoy my Saturdays.

ClippedWings: Yeah, that was my favorite, too.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

All household appliances come in white.

Hilarious!

The tampon one was just wrong.

tattytiara said...

Wax shmax - I just bought an epilady. I could walk through lava without flinching!

Su Chin said...

This was really funny! Thanks for sharing... I liked the "hebrews" best.. LOL

Pat said...

Gotta love Saturday's here at Wrestling with Retirement!

Eva Gallant said...

SuChin: Glad you liked it!

Sofia's Ideas said...

Cigarettes & Tampons was my favorite! I could totally see my brother in law doing something like that to my sister! Ha! :)

Eva Gallant said...

Sofia: Glad I gave you a laugh. Hope you shared it with your Sister and Brother-in-law!