At a time in our lives when being politically correct has assumed the utmost importance, I felt it my duty to pass on to my readers some approved politically correct versions of phrases that up until now have been common in our vocabularies.
Let's face it, times change and we need to as well. I know all of you are sensitive to the feelings of others and would never want to knowingly offend someone. The phrases below were forwarded to me on email by a concerned friend. Most were unknown to me, and I thought you would appreciate being "clued in" on what phrases should be removed from our vocabulary and what the acceptable replacement terms are.
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as "APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.".
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is " OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3.. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "'FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "'TROUSER CLEAVAGE."
Now, go forth and be P.C.!