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Monday, February 7, 2011

Let's Be Politically Correct!

At a time in our lives when being politically correct has assumed the utmost importance, I felt it my duty to pass on to my readers some approved politically correct versions of phrases that up until now have been common in our vocabularies.

Let's face it, times change and we need to as well. I know all of you are sensitive to the feelings of others and would never want to knowingly offend someone. The phrases below were forwarded to me on email by a concerned friend. Most were unknown to me, and I thought you would appreciate being "clued in" on what phrases should be removed from our vocabulary and what the acceptable replacement terms are.


Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as "APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.".



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is " OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3.. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "'FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."


6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "'TROUSER CLEAVAGE."


Now, go forth and be P.C.!

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26 comments:

melody-mae said...

oh, you just crack me up!!! LOVED this

SherilinR said...

ooo, i like the low cost service provider!

Janiece said...

hheeeehheeee

Brian Miller said...

rectal cranial inversion...lol.

Joanie said...

Too too funny!!!

Gaston Studio said...

My absolute fav is rectal-cranial inversion; too funny.

BTW, congrats on being the winner of Joan's photo contest. The photo you submitted is spectacular Eva!!!

glnroz said...

liquid grain storage facility? that one has my name on it,, lol

natalee said...

bwahahahaha..two bit hooker low cost service provider.. im dying

Michelle Saunderson said...

Trouser cleavage...HAAAAAA

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

LMBO as always! Love the "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION" - 'fraid I've known a few too many of those in my lifetime! Have a great week!!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

you always made me laugh

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm 'overly Caucasian', I can assure you. I may also have a case of occasonal rectal-cranial inversion. :)

tsonodablog said...

ROFL! Well, now I feel fully informed and equipped to re-enter the world of work....where there are many breasted Americans and guys with rectal-cranial inversion. I can't wait! Now all I need is a job.
Funny stuff Eva!
Terri

JeannetteLS said...

Thank you so much. Now I can print this wallet sized, so that wherever I go I'll have the right thing to say. It's been a concern of mine for a long time.

I just found your blog today and, boy am I glad I did. Thank you for making me laugh.

Eva Gallant said...

Glenn: Now I have a whole new mental picture of you! lol

Michelle: There will be trouser cleavage on my blog next week!

Veg: So that's why your posts sound a bit muffled!

Terri: Glad you liked it!

Jeannette: Welcome to my blog. Glad you found it, and I hope you visit often!

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Horizontally accessible. Awesome.

And we don't want to be called "bald people."

We're Shiny Americans.

Thank you.

Pastor Sharon said...

This is my favorite post!

I am all about being politically correct. You do know, these are going to find their way into sermons. . . I should be sorry to say that, but I'm not!

The Frisky Virgin said...

This is absolutely hilarious!!!!!!!!! Brilliant!

tattytiara said...

Ah hahaha - working them into my vocabulary now!

Jay at The Depp Effect said...

Hahahaha! 'Previously enjoyed companion'! LOL!

Out of My Mind said...

Got me...at first I thought you were serious....then
bam! rofl
kt

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: Glad you enjoyed them.

OutofmyMind: Gotcha!

Sharon Henning said...

What a great blog! I'm now following you. Really cute!
http://sharonhenning.blogspot.com

Eva Gallant said...

Sharon: Welcome! I hope you drop by often! And thanks for the kind words.

EmptyNester said...

Oh gesh...I'm not sure I can get the right intonations on anal-cranial inversion--ASS just comes out naturally. LOL

Karen said...

I still like "coin slot" better that "trouser cleavage." lol