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Saturday, February 19, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Zipper Confusion

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.  She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.  \

o, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.  Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.  She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

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Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A. When you see your mother-in-law driving off a cliff in your new car.


***************
 
Wealth
 
 
I'm rich!


Silver in the Hair,

Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Ass
Iron in the Arteries

And

an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.


I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.


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What Would You Do?

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.  While en route home he asks the cab driver if he would be a witness.  The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cab driver agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cab driver tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back,  And there is his wife in bed with another man!  The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.  HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.  HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.  HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks  over at the cab driver and says, "What would you do?"

The cab driver replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."

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Have a great weekend!

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13 comments:

Deborah said...

Well that started my day with such a good laugh, you're just a joy to read! :o)

The Broad said...

I'm laughing, I definitely am! Thanks Eva.

Brian Miller said...

haha. thank goodness he did not have a button fly...err...

rosaria said...

This will last me a while, just in case I can't get to a computer soon. (Mine is in the shop. I'm a borrower now>)

Al Penwasser said...

Ahhh, bus people. Gotta love 'em!

dbs said...

Ha! Good one. The city bus could be its own reality show.

Unknown Mami said...

Hahahaha...thanks!

Pat said...

"I'd cover his ass up before he gets cold!"

Priceless!

JeannetteLS said...

Perfect way to end my Saturday. Yup.

River said...

oh, thanks for making me laugh so much. I needed that.

Lazarus said...

Eva, you must have a secret, parallel internet because you always find these jokes that I don't see circulating anywhere else, great job!

Eva Gallant said...

Deborah: Thank you--you are too kind!

dbs: Glad you liked it!

Melissa said...

love these jokes! thanks for sharing!
~Melissa