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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday Silliness

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."


*******************


A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.  After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his char and spoke, "Children are a gift from God and we will take as many gifts as he gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers!"\

The entire congregation said, "Amen."

******************

Logical Progression?


If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.


****************


Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

****************


THE CREATION





A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."




Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered,


"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."



The confused girl returned to her mother and said, " Mom , how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
 
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
 
 
*******************

Have a great rest of the weekend!


EVA

16 comments:

tsonodablog said...

Love that first one! I just finished cleaning the house. I needed a good laugh.

Unknown Mami said...

Yup, the first one cracked me up.

rosaria said...

I can't choose. They all get an A+

River said...

Love that evolution one!
The Logical Progression is good too.

Jen said...

Good job, Eva. A great way to start off Saturday mornings.

EmptyNester said...

I've started reading your Saturday sillies to my mother---she loves them too!

Brian Miller said...

haha...i had a miracle healing this morning...i am not crippled either...smiles. happy saturday from NYC!

Facing50Blog.com said...

Well done Eva I am now coughing and spluttering loudly. I really shouldn't read funny posts and laugh when I have a cough.
I liked the evolution joke best.

Melissa said...

I really liked all of these jokes! thanks so much! =)
following you on twitter also ~
Melissa

Reeni said...

Thank for the laughs Eva! I loved the creation one. Hope you have a great weekend!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Glad I could give you a laugh!

Rosaria: Score!

Jen: They say laughter is the best medicine!

Facing50: that's one of my favorites, too!

Reeni: Thanks, and a good weekend to you, too!

Myrna R. said...

So glad I stopped by. I needed some laughter therapy. Thanks for the humor.

Mesina said...

Oh Eva, that gave me a giggle I certainly needed!!! LOL thanks for that - will be sure to share them :)

Vodka Logic said...

Great as usual. Always need a laugh.

Pastor Sharon said...

Excellent laugh!! Thanks for the good ones. I especially love the one about the Pastor who kept getting his wife pregnant.

Eva Gallant said...

Myrna: Glad I could provide the cheap therapy!

Mesina: Any time, girl!