Friday, April 15, 2011

Aphorisms to Consider

This was sent to me from a friend on email and I thought I'd share it.


1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.  It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!) 

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. 

19. After 50, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter!



Kristina P. said...

Love them! I've never thought about some of them this way.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I love #20. I tell my kids that point all the time.

tsonodablog said...

Love them all, but especially 3, 13 and 19. Funny stuff! Thanks Eva, for giving me a little chuckle to take to bed. I usually sleep alone.

Brian Miller said...

hehe...these are a trip eva...i like #13

River said...

I can personally vouch for numbers 9 and 14.

laughingmom said...

#3 is the motto of my life!!! Thanks for the laughs!

EmptyNester said...

LOVE those! Except #13---I never say 'it's just a game' when my team is losing. I always say something like - "#$%%#@@@#! I HATE losing!"

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

#17 (tattoos and rap music) was very frightening indeed. Imagine, a 65-year-old granny telling her grandkids, "When I was your age, we just LOVED that Eminem."

SisterMerryHellish said...

Wow! #3 completely explains my office!

Al Penwasser said...

These are great! Although, at first I got confused. Then I realized it wasn't "Aneurysms to Consider." But, since we're on the subject (of Aphorisms), how 'bout...
"If You Can Fly This Plane 600 Miles An Hour in the Dark and Find Los Angeles, You Can Find My Bag."

Chatty Crone said...

Hey they are cute!

Jane @ Jane's Junk and Treasures said...

Those were good!!


WhisperingWriter said...

Ha, I love these!

The Frisky Virgin said...

I love the puppy and winning team quotes. My ultimate favorite is the last one--how very, very true.

injaynesworld said...

How come it takes a damn lifetime to learn these things and then when you've finally got a handle on this thing called life you get called to go someplace else?

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: So glad you had a chuckle to sleep with!

laughingmom: Glad you liked them!

Frisky: I agree!

Jayne: You coined one of your own!lol

Tam said...

These are great, Eva! Especially liked "There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number." Amen! Thanks for sharing!