Wanted, young, beautiful woman with a smokin' body and few morals to fill position vacated by former goddess Bree Olson. Must be under 25 and open to threesomes with another beautiful woman and a pushing-50 crackhead, pictued below.
Some travel required (Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option Tour)and lots of girl on girl kissing on stage in an effort to keep show attendees from demanding a refund. Must have a tolerance for tiger's blood. May occasionally be asked to pose with two toddlers and look like a doting mother-subsitute.
Other helpful traits would be experience as a porn star or as a prostitute, a high disgust tolerance, a desire to be featured in tabloid newspapers, and and affinity for wild partying.
Benefits include luxurious living accommodations, on site gym, swimming pool, and wild three-way sex, and duh, Winning!
Please apply at Silver (Sober?) Valley Lodge. No phone calls please.