Saturday, April 9, 2011

Saturday Silliness

A man takes his son tiger hunting. They’re creeping through the weeds and the man says, “Son, this hunt marks your passage into manhood. Do you have any questions? And the boy says, “Yes, if the tiger kills you, how do I get home?”



Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this – I am a United States congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club . A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.  Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up.  The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"


Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different! 

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."

Have a great weekend!


nick said...

A good chuckle to beginning Sat morning!

EmptyNester said...

Taking Earline with me.....Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!

As usual, thanks for the laughs!

Brian Miller said...

give me my true that is...nice...

River said...

I love that phone joke!!
I HAVE to print it out and take it to work.

Pat MacKenzie said...

So glad I found your blog. I'm looking forward to getting to know you here. Loved the phone story.

Bossy Betty said...

Thanks for the Saturday giggles!

Love the doctor joke.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Anyone know whose phone this is? Bwahaha, that one got to me. Happy weekend!

The Broad said...

Just gotta love that Earline!

SherilinR said...

that earline's a skank!

Claudia said...

ha - at least the doctor knows the correct
have a great weekend eva

Pat said...

"This year I'm taking Earline with me!" Good one!

Clipped Wings said...

Haven't checked you out for a bit, so sorry, but all of these funnies made me smile. Loved them all!

Eva Gallant said...

Nick: Glad I could start your day right!

Pat: Glad you stopped by; hope you visit often!

Clipped: I've missed you! Glad you dropped by!

Tgoette said...

LOL! Another hilarious collection of belly laughs, Eva! My favorite was the cell phone one! Thanks for the giggles!

Unknown Mami said...

I think that mugger would have a good defense in court.