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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Shampoo alert!


As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before? Now I understand why I am so "full-figured"!

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap It says right on the label "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

It pays to read the warning labels!


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A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.


As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play..

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets


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Wally and Julie were on the 9th green when suddenly Julie collapsed from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to Wally.

Wally quickly called 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. Julie raised her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," Wally said calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" Julie asked feebly.

"No time at all," Wally says, "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."



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My Favorite Animal


Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I was n't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.  I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was ch icken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.   She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...


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A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."

"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"

"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."

"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

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Have a great weekend!

EVA

14 comments:

She Writes said...

I must look for straightening products for my hair. No more volume for me!

hocam said...

Oh, I absolutely love the first one, no more exercise and diets fir me. All I have to do is change my hair care products.

Brian Miller said...

hehe...buying stock in Dawn as you may be onto something here...smile. that will be one dollar please...

R. J. said...

My granddaughter is five and loves Colonel Sanders too. I will send her parents that story.

River said...

Oh these are so funny. But I'm too tired to think of a witty comment...

Vodka Logic said...

The little boy at the beach.... lol

Facing50Blog.com said...

I have such a smile on my face now. Thank you Eva for cheering up a grumpy day.

Pat said...

That's all I'm saying....I must be really silly!

These are great!

Oh - no WONDER my hands are so slim!

rosaria said...

You caught an honest child in the act!

Pastor Sharon said...

Really? Hold on. I'll be back later! I just recently changed shampoo and conditioner. . . .

I have to go, Must shower with Dawn dish soap RIGHT NOW. No wonder I'm getting fuller body reflections from the mirror.

The kid at the beach. . . funny stuff.

tsonodablog said...

So's now I can blame my shampoo for my figure? I love it. I've been using and re-using the same excuses.

Silly ladies and dumb men. LOVE IT

Kristy said...

Thanks for the laughs!

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

Ha! Funny as always. Thanks for the laughs.

Hope your husband is doing well and the treatments aren't too rough on him. I have a feeling he's a fighter. God bless.

Eva Gallant said...

Rosaria: Kids are painfully honest some times!

Terri: I think we'll all change shampoos! lol

Kristy: You are very welcome!

hocam: If it were only so easy!

SheWrites: I'm with you on this!