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Monday, June 6, 2011

An Airline with a Sense of Humor

This was sent to me recently, and I made me laugh so much, I just had to share it with you.

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer Relations.


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg, South Africa.


Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
 
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"


On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"


"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."



From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."


"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."



During the "in flight safety lecture, and attendant said, "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."


Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

 

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport.  After it had reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town.  The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
 
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
 
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
 


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

 
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."


Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."


"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."



"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."




WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR !

EVA

21 comments:

Al Penwasser said...

Too funny. I wonder if they're hiring? Although, I wouldn't want to look at the front of the pilot's pants, no matter how much he asks me (I'm not buying the hot coffee thing).

Kristina P. said...

This is awesome. This is what Jet Blue aspires to be.

blueviolet said...

I do love the laid back approach!

River said...

I still love this and laugh at it.

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

That is a new plateau of hilarity!!!!! I would LOVE it!

Brian Miller said...

haha...southwest used to be like this...it eases the tension to have a bit of fun you know...

The Broad said...

Very funny, in fact very very funny! I wish I could look forward to some of this humor tomorrow when I wing my way back across the Atlantic to Manchester. No complaints about the airline, US Air, but 'funny' they ain't!

The Broad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Sounds like they borrowed a lot of ideas from Southwest. Great way to run a business . . . fun is everything.

Unknown Mami said...

Sounds like my kind of airline. Maybe you and I could get a part time gig with them as attendants.

The Reason You Come said...

That's so funny! I'd love to be fly with one of these guys (preferably the pilot who had the hot coffee incident)! ;)

Bossy Betty said...

Gotta love this sense of humor!!!

Pastor Sharon said...

WOW! Wish they flew in the USA. That would be a great way to fly!

Grams said...

That is the funniest thing I've seen lately. I'll be sharing this post with everyone I know. Hilarious!

hocam said...

Oh my God, I am crying with the laughing. I've just read your post out to the family and we've all had a great laugh. Thank you for sharing.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

how cool is that. more airlines need to lighten up

tsonodablog said...

Love it! I would fly them and 'give them the business' for sure!

The Frisky Virgin said...

OH, this is so needed everywhere else! I just might get on a plane again if it was this much fun. Mostly, planes just remind me of cattle haulers, and they make you feel that way, too.

Eva Gallant said...

hocam: Glad you all got a good laugh!

terri: wouldn't we all!

Frisky: They do seem a bit up tight, don't they?

Pat said...

It's refreshing in this day and age to find a company that doesn't take itself too seriously! I bet they are wonderful to work for!

Lizzie said...

Wow! I wish I can choose my own seat too as I board in local airlines here. :) Do you love to travel? Come and visit us!