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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Saturday Silliness


Why She Changed Motels

Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one.. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.

We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I' m ready!! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line." 

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Join a club!

Yesterday his daughter asked him why he didn't do something useful with his time.  She suggested he go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.  He did this and when he got home last night he told her that he had joined a parachute club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 74 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

He proudly showed her that he even got a membership card.
She said to him, "For heaven's sake, where are your glasses!  This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
He's in trouble again and doesn't know what to do!  He signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier . .. .

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The Airline Captain

A handsome Airline Captain walked into a drug store in Wyoming and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him. The Pilot said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The Pilot then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.'

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month in living expenses."

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One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word...
" I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her "

**********************



DIVORCE versus MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "I can't give you cyanide
to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had
a prescription."    
****************

EVA

13 comments:

River said...

These are all funny, but I love that last one.

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

The pharmacist punchline made me laugh the loudest this week.

Brian Miller said...

hahaha....the first one made me snort...and the pharmacist as well..

Jeannie said...

Hi! I stumble in from Sundays in my City and am glad I did! So funny!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Your post is the PERFECT way to start the day. I laughed out loud!
Rosemary

Jen said...

Oh, my! You made another Saturday morning ......these were really funny, but, it's pretty difficult to get better than the pharmacist!!

Al Penwasser said...

I'm kinda suspicious about that guy in the airplane. He's jitterbugging so much I suspect he has someone at his feet.

tsonodablog said...

ROFL hehehe Favorite one was the last one. Good stuff!

Ms. Wanda said...

Well I wasn't laughing at all today until now!!! I will always love your site:)

And the first story was the best for me!

xoxo
Ms. Wanda

Eva Gallant said...

Jen: That WAS a good one!

Terri: Glad you enjoyed a good laugh!

Clipped Wings said...

Looooove the airline pilot one, lol.

Pat said...

"Wish you were her" Hahahahahahahaha!

These were great! Loved them!

Eva Gallant said...

Clipped: I thought they made him a reasonable offer!