Saturday, July 23, 2011

Saturday Silliness

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple were celebrating 50 years together..
Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary!  I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything..."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.  Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too." 


Save a trip?

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,  'How old was your husband?'

 '98,' she replied... 'Two years older than me' 

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Age Has It's Advantages!

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing

about beiing 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


Senility Isn't All Bad.

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter egg 
and have fun finding them.


I've sure gotten old! 

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.  Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

she wanted her ashes scattered over

Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?' 

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'



Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

the eyesight to tell the difference


Today's Silliness was directed to those of us who are over 50 and close to the top of the hill....if that didn't include you, don't worry;  your day is coming!



River said...

Feeling a little old myself lately, so these all made me laugh, which is just what I need to feel just a little younger.

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

They did make me laugh at my age, at myself....

But that first one? That was HILARIOUS!!

Brian Miller said...

the same noises as the coffee

EmptyNester said...

LOL I have to call my mom and share these with her- she will LOVE them!

AgingGal said...

Aw, Eva, you crack me up as always...
Aging Gal

tsonodablog said...

Love the Wrinkles and the coffee maker ones! Funny stuff..
Thanks Eva!

Pat said...

Lots of good ones today! See - there ARE advantages for being fat - NO WRINKLES! Ha ha!

Love the leotard one!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Eva, I came here from PJ's and love that you gave me a laugh this morning! What a great way to start my day! I'm a new follower!

Eva Gallant said...

AgingGal: Gee thanks!

Terri: Always fun to give you a giggle!