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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Saturday Silliness

 Today is my birthday.   Before I get to the silliness I want to share is the birthday card I received from my best friend:

This was the front of the card.



This was the inside.     I have cut off the personal message she wrote, but under that were instructions to open the card yet again.


And this was the very inside of the card when you opened it all the way and laid it out flat.

Now I ask you--What kind of a friend is this woman??   Making fun of my girls!  I was just so offended.  And my girls!--why they were so embarrassed that their nipples inverted!  (I hope this is a temporary situation, because the inversion makes tucking them into my jeans difficult!).  

*********************************



An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."


***********************************
Japanese Hotel Service . . .
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo , Japan . . .
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl.. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
**************************


He came home from work that night exhausted. He said to his wife, "I need my glasses checked. I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death."

Perplexed, the wife asked, "What's being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death?"

"I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work the whole time!"

***********************


       I would be totally remiss if I did not pass this warning along to you all.                       This is probably the most important message you will receive today.

ATTENTION:

A VIRUS
is going round called Housework. If you feel the need to start housework, stop immediately. This virus wipes out your social life. If you should come in contact with housework, go straight to the nearest store & buy the only known antidote which is called CHOCOLATE. Please pass this warning immediately on to a least 6 friends. 

If you realize you do not have 6 friends, you are already infected.

*************************
EVA

25 comments:

Ed Pilolla said...

it's true, when you know where your boss is, then you have the option of not working:)
happy birthday.

The Empress said...

Happy Birthday Eva! Hope your special day is a great one ...no matter how your boobs are hanging!!

Crimson Ebolg said...

Happy birthday! Your post really cheered me up! :)

River said...

Happy Birthday!!

Even though I'm not a man, I cringed at the thought of the button being sewn on...

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

OMG, Happy Birthday! I think my best friend must be two-timing me with you.....same card and all!

AgingGal said...

Happy birthday, Eva! And your boobs hang beautifully low! Aging Gal

EmptyNester said...

It's your birthday and you give us the gift of laughter!

Happy Birthday!

Brian Miller said...

tucking them in your jeans...hahah.hope they re-vert for you...thanks for the smiles...and have a most incredible birthday....

Jen said...

Quite a Birthday Card....a true friend!!Hope your weekend is special, Eva...you deserve it, chocolate and all!!Will Mr. Godiva be visiting?? hhhmmmm

Linda Kish said...

Happy birthday!

Sarah Lindahl said...

Happy Birthday Eva! I hope you and your long boobs have a fantastic day!

Kelley said...

Happy birthday!! I loved that card you received from your friend. I laughed out loud at "36 low". Ha! Also like that little service that man received...with the button. Yeah!

Gail said...

Happy Birthday...love the card, now that's a friend!

For you birthday, I got my weekly belly laugh...thank you.

Eva Gallant said...

Empress: Thank you. And if I can keep them tucked into my jeans, at least they don't flop around!

AgingGal: Thank you, I think; I'm not sure how I feel about you admiring my boobs! lol

Jen: thank you, Sis, and yes, you can bet there will be chocolate!

Al Penwasser said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
By the way, we inserted "balls" instead of "boobs."
Kinda painful, though.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Happy birthday to yoooooooo :) You must be expert at being 21 by now, huh!

My sister and I used to sing the boobs hang low song on road trips as kids. How warped is THAT? Something about throwing them over your shoulder like a regimental soldier. Heavens!

Pat said...

Happy Birthday, Eva! Today is my son's birthday, too!

My boobs hang so low that I have to get a bigger sized waist for my jeans!

Sylar said...

happy birthday :D
nice post
+follow

rosaria said...

Oh my, I can't stop laughing...

Eva Gallant said...

Veg: I sure am....why I've passed 21 three times and then some!

Sylar: Thank you and welcome!

Rosaria: I'm so glad if I was able to make you laugh a little and give you a few minutes reprieve from your pain.

Eva Gallant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary said...

Fun to read your post! Happy birthday to you, and thanks for stopping at my site from Everyday Goddess. I'm 'retired' too and love it!

Unknown Mami said...

Happy birthday to you and your girls! The card is hilarious and I hope your nipples aren't hiding anymore.

Eva Gallant said...

UnknownMami: Thanks!

Eva Gallant said...

Mary: Thanks for returning the visit!