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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

TV Ads Have Taught Me!

Today I thought I would share with you the things that I have learned from watching television commercials.  I know some of you may have already learned these things yourselves, or maybe even all of them, but I feel at the risk of boring those of you who are already in the know, I have to share this fountain of wisdom with those who have less free time than I and thus could be clueless in these areas.   You're welcome.

1.  I need to invest in a lint brush to keep the excess toilet tissue from clinging to my butt.


2.  My chances of getting some action from my husband will increase if I move our bathtubs onto the back lawn.  (I'm not sure how my trailer park neighbors will view this plan, however.)


3.  There is a lady hiding in public restrooms who will help me color my gray roots.  (I haven't found her yet, but I check in every restaurant I visit!)


4.  If a guy says he passed the bar exam, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a lawyer.  (It might be referring to the fact that he can tell a SUPER cold beer from a merely cold one.

bar exam


5.  People who are allergic to leather should not own motorcycles.


And that concludes my public service announcement for today.   Carry on!

EVA

22 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Those TP bears creep me the hell out.

Kelley said...

I feel so much smarter!! I never see commercials because of that dingdang DVR.

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

I never understood the whole idea of cartoon bears with linty butts used to sell TP!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Dude, that Nice n' Easy chick makes me want to punch stone. Or her face. Whichever is handier. She's such a harpy. If some chick in a stuffy suit busted out on me in the bathroom and said my hair was drab, I'd punch her in the kidneys.

There, I got that off my chest.

The bears with the TP are just wrong. I mean the parents need to teach baby bear to wipe properly. Who has TP all over their ass, is he wiping with HONEY? Pffft.

Deb said...

Regarding #2 and the bathtub: how the hell can any action go on if you are each in your own tiny little bathtub? That won't fly in Maine anyway. The black flies would carry you away, tub and all.

Gail said...

I have seen those same commercials but must admit I did not learn as much as you did! Hilarious.

I had just concluded from the bear commercial, the park had new rules about sanitation.

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS! I'm with Kristina, the Bears bother me!

Jen said...

I have yet to see the woman in a bathroom/dressing room telling me I need to add LIFE to my look!...It would be spooky..Those bears never seem to learn!!!

Brian Miller said...

i def think you need a motorcycle...smiles. and i am surprised the bears have not revolted over those commercials..its kinda gross...

Al Penwasser said...

1. Bits of potentially poopy pieces (even on a bear's butt) totally skeeves me out. Because, as we all know, a bear does sh*t in the woods.
2. I'm thinking you could take a TRUCKload of Cialis. But, if you don't push those tubs together, you'll get as much action as Pee Wee Herman in a darkened theater.
3. She's hiding in the john!? Which gray roots of which hairs is she planning on coloring? (I haven't checked yet, because I'm afraid).
4. If you can't tell by feel whether your beer is cold, you've had too much to drink. Call a cab.
5. Lends new meaning to the term "crotch rocket."
Ewwwwwwwwww.................

tsonodablog said...

Yea, what Al Penwasser said!

Eva Gallant said...

Veg: You're right! He needs to get the honey of his paws first before doing doody!

Deb: I've often wondered about that myself!

Blondeduck: Thanks for dropping by! Come back soon!

Jen: You're right; that is a little creepy!

Al: You are so insane! I love your comments!

Terri: He summed it up well! lol

Morgan said...

Isn't TV great?! Where else would you have learned all of that important info?

Visiting from SITS :)

Laurie Kolp said...

You're so funny!

Jane @ Jane's Junk and Treasures said...

The bears have always bothered me.......do we really need some company telling us what is best for poop clean up!!
Isn't that basic potty training 101!

WhisperingWriter said...

Oh man, I hate those bears. They are so gross.

River said...

Like the others said, there'll be nothing going on if you have separate tubs!
Also, on the TP issue, the darn stuff these days is made so soft it disintegrates upon contact with damp, "bits" are inevitable. TP needs to toughen up a bit. Just not to the scratchy stuff we used to have back in the 50's.
Or we should all switch to moist flushable wipes.

The Frisky Virgin said...

LOL That beer one bugs me every time! And the lady with her root touch ups gets on my nerves--bathrooms are supposed to be private!!!

I've never understood the bathtub bit. How do they get in on in separate tubs? What exactly is the whole two-tub thing supposed to show exactly? :/

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: I agree on all points!

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: I've always thought the bath tub one was strange!

Sparkling said...

I don't know how they get away with that TP commmercial. It disgusts me every damned time!! Have you ever in your life had TP on your butt when you were done using it? Found you at finding the funny.

Anna at www.mylifeandkids.com said...

HA! Love it - especially the bath tubs - I mean, really....

Thanks for linking up to #findingthefunny! I'm pinning this to our Pinterest board.