1. I need to invest in a lint brush to keep the excess toilet tissue from clinging to my butt.
2. My chances of getting some action from my husband will increase if I move our bathtubs onto the back lawn. (I'm not sure how my trailer park neighbors will view this plan, however.)
3. There is a lady hiding in public restrooms who will help me color my gray roots. (I haven't found her yet, but I check in every restaurant I visit!)
4. If a guy says he passed the bar exam, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a lawyer. (It might be referring to the fact that he can tell a SUPER cold beer from a merely cold one.
5. People who are allergic to leather should not own motorcycles.
And that concludes my public service announcement for today. Carry on!