Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Fiction: Love is Where You Find It 4

(If you missed part one of this fiction series and want to get caught up, click here.) 

(If you missed part two of this fiction series and want to get caught up, click here)

(If you missed part three of this fiction series, click here.)

That night, as Adelaide lay in her bed watching The Big Bang Theory on television, she couldn’t help but wonder if Michael might be watching as well.  The thought was comforting in a way; knowing that each time she chuckled or guffawed at Sheldon’s antics, Raj’s inability to talk to a woman without alcohol, or Wallowitz having a conversation with his mother through the bathroom door, that maybe Michael was laughing, too.  Felicia had never liked the show and had never failed to deride her mother for enjoying it, which took some of the fun away from the experience.

The next morning, when she opened her eyes, Addie found herself looking forward to taking a walk to the solarium.  The prospect of having an enjoyable conversation with Michael was appealing.  She hurriedly ate her breakfast, then brushed her hair and applied a touch of lipstick from the overnight bag that Felicia had left for her.  She was grateful that she had always kept an extra hairbrush and a few cosmetics in that bag, so that if she decided to go visit her sister in the next county, she wouldn’t forget to bring those necessities along. 

The face looking at her from the mirror was a bit wrinkled but at least did have some color thanks to the afternoons she spent walking in the park across the street from her home in search of a little fresh air and some respite from Felicia’s constant laments regarding her situation, which Addie was beginning to feel her daughter may have brought upon herself. “It’s not a face that will win any prizes, but it isn’t bad for an old broad,” Addie thought to herself.

“Well, aren’t we just gussied up this morning,” observed Karen when she came to check Adelaide’s vitals.  The lipstick, carefully brushed hair, and clean nightie were not lost on the nurse.  “Are we ready for a little exercise again today?”

“Oh, am I going to the solarium again today,” blushed Addie, feigning nonchalance.  Karen was not fooled, however.   She had noticed the two heart patients chatting amiably the previous afternoon.

“It’s essential that you work on getting your strength back.  That means you have to get out of that bed, walk some, and sit up in a real chair for a while each day,” answered Karen.  “We need you to be up and out of here in a reasonable amount of time.”

Adelaide once again made the trek to the Solarium, wheeling her IV pole alongside her.  She took a seat, disappointed that her new friend Michael wasn’t there.  Her concerns were forgotten in a few minutes, when the gentleman with the frayed navy bathrobe parked has IV pole next to hers and parked himself in the adjacent chair.
For the next two days, the recovering heart surgery patients spent their mornings and afternoons together. 

There was much pleasure to be found in discovering their common experiences and preferences.  Both were fans of Taber’s Takeout on the shores of Lake Auburn; both were disappointed in the Red Sox team’s lackluster performance during the past month; and both wondered if there would be an NBA season this year, regardless of the fact that they would cheer for opposing teams.

On the third day, Adelaide made the trip to the solarium without her IV.  Giddy with the sense of freedom, she looked forward to telling Michael of her progress.  Though she waited for an hour, he failed to appear with the smiling face and twinkling eyes she’d so enjoyed.  Finally, she picked up the phone and waited for a response from the nurses’ station.

“May I help you,” asked the duty nurse.

“Yes.  Could you ring Michael Chandler’s room, please,” requested Addie.  

“One moment.”  The empty sound of a telephone on hold followed the click she heard.  After another moment, another click, and the charge nurse said, “I’m sorry, but Mr. Chandler was discharged after dinner last night.”  Adelaide, stunned by the unexpected news, sat motionless.

(to be continued)


Thursday, September 29, 2011

I Got Picked in the 2011 Draft

Let  me begin by saying, I  was not a soccer fan.  I love basketball, I follow the Red Sox, and have, on rare occasion, watched a football game or two.  But soccer was never been a favorite.

I have son who has been a volunteer soccer coach in his town's recreation program for three or four years.  During that time, his older son has been playing soccer.  Now the younger one (who won't be 5 until December!) is playing soccer.

Need I say I am now becoming a soccer fan?  I also have a granddaughter who at 7 years of age is now in her second year of playing soccer.  (She's in the blue shirt and jeans.)  What choice do I have?

Austin, my 9 year-old grandson, plays soccer with an intensity you would only expect to see in a boy twice his age.

He designed his own cleats!

His grit and determination are admirable!  And what a kick!

His focus is unrelenting; the pursuit of players older or larger than he does not in any way intimidate him!  He has amazing speed, the ability to pass to his teammates, and an understanding of the game seemingly beyond his years.   And every minute that he is on that field, he is playing his hardest.  (an ethic he either inherited or learned from his Dad, the coach.)
Although he sometimes works 50 or 60 hour weeks, Austin's Dad still makes time to coach his team.  

I always get a thank you hug for coming to the games!

And now, as I mentioned, the 4-year-old has started playing.  What chance to I have?  I've been drafted as a soccer fan!   There's just no escaping it!

(A special thank you goes to Austin and Carter's mother Kristen and the boys' Grammy Gayle for taking and sharing these photos with me, so that I could, in turn, share them with all of you.)

I'm not proud much, you understand; not much at all.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

New Word Wednesday #39

Every time I comment on a website where I have to type a word verification to get my comment posted, I can't help but think,  "What a waste!  What could possibly be a very helpful word is now going to disappear and never be seen again." With all the attention being paid to "going green" in this country, I think it's time for bloggers to go green and recycle the letter combos used in word verification. (I personally did away with the process to eliminate the waste of words, but some people just aren't as conservation minded!)

I decided several weeks ago to start a meme called "New Word Wednesday", thus creating a dictionary of new words based on the letter combos that pop up in the word verification process. You may feel free to do the same, or to grab my words and use them. (You know, if you use a new word three times, it's in your vocabulary forever; at least that's what I've heard) Just think, we can learn new words and go green just by recycling/reusing the words that show up at comment time.

Here are this week's words:

borave:  (verb)  to exaggerate in a wildly enthusiastic manner; as in "Rodney had a tendency to borave about his lack of sexual endowment."

ecturtle:  a tortoise which has been genetically altered to contribute to the improvement of the ecological environment; as in, "The ecturtle's excrement exits it's anus as odorless ozonide which eventually rises and helps replenish the ozone layer.

nonucco:  (noun) a cheap material substituted for stucco in the construction of affordable housing in the Southwest; as in, "Because the outer shell of his home was nonucco, Jake had purchased it for $25,000 less than the stucco equivalent."

nundats:  (noun) bits of information regarding various religious orders; as in, "Martha researched the nundats carefully before deciding to join the Sisters of Mercy."

pardsma:  (noun)  a redneck term for one's incestuous lover who also happens to be the person's mother:  as in, "Bubba introduced us to his pardsma, which was extremely awkward for those of us who knew the family."

Remember--use a word three times in a sentence and it's in your vocabulary forever!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Do You Put In 100% At Work?

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give
than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:


Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.



8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =



11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =

But ,


1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =



2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =

AND, look how far
ass kissing will take you.


1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while
Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.

Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why some people are where they are!
And that's my lesson for today!  (I wish I could claim credit for it, but I don't know who came up with this!)


Monday, September 26, 2011

This was posted on facebook.  Apparently, there was some kind of contest, and this is one of the contestants.

This guy is amazing--and not too hard on the eyes, either! (click corner for full screen)

Ladies, you may need to wipe the drool off your keyboards!

I just had to share!


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

Egg-ceptional Restaurant is located at 5 Pigeon Hill Road in Mechanic Falls, Maine.  They are open for breakfast and lunch from 6:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. seven days a week.

There's a diner-type lunch counter

And many tables in a dining room with lots of windows, which give it a really light, bright atmosphere.

In addition to serving meals, they offer a wonderful assortment of baked goods, including whoopie pies (some the size of a dinner plate), cookies, and various kinds of muffins that were almost as large as a football!  Homemade fudge is also available.  What's not to love?

Our waitress Tammy, who doubles as the assistant manager, was friendly, attentive, and efficient.

I ordered a cheeseburger and would you believe, a small order of French fries?  The basket of fries was huge; I shared with Mr. Eva, and we still only ate a third of them.  The hamburger patty was larger than the bun, and over-lapped by nearly half an inch all the way around!  I was put off by it at first, because it had the look of a pre-formed patty, stuffed with non-beef filler to keep its shape.  Happily, I was mistaken.  It was delicious, as was the crisp pickle that accompanied it!

Mr. Eva had a chicken salad sandwich on toasted wheat bread with a small side order of onion rings.  His sandwich was tasty and had lots of fresh lettuce in it.  But the highlight of the meal were the onion rings!  They were awesome!  Again,  even though we shared them, we couldn't finish them all.  I would go back again to have those onion rings once more!

Tammy told us about their Omelet Challenge and their Wall of Fame.  It seems the chef makes an 8-egg omelet; if you can finish the omelet, toast, and home fries, they take your picture and post it on the Wall of Fame in the entry way.  Mr. Eva perked up at the thought, but I nixed that idea!  No way does he need to eat 8 eggs at one sitting!  Lots of people have done it, however, as the wall was plastered with photos of satisfied winners.

As we drove away, we agreed that Egg-ceptional was a great place to eat!  If you would like to visit their web page, check out the menu, or see photos of the Wall of  Famers, click here.

Note:  I was in no way compensated for this review; we paid for our meals and the opinions expressed are mine and Mr. Eva's only!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Riddle of the Day 

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below:

The answer is: 'A Last Name.'
You didn't think I'd post a dirty joke, did you?


A Red Sox fan with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden, a Yankee fan in West Virginia, as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The Yankee fan asked the man, "Aren't you supposed to have a fishing license?"

"No, sir," replied the Red Sox fan. "I don't need a license. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these fish of mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of're under arrest."

The Red Sox fan said, "It's the truth, sir. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The Red Sox fan released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the Red Sox fan.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

Red Sox fans may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as Yankee fans!!
(no Offense intended,)


A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...  

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

"Yes it is," bartender answers.

"Do you have huge golden doors?"

"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"

"Most certainly do."

"What about golden urinals?"

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"


Have a great weekend!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Fiction: Love is Where You Find It. 3

(If you missed part one of this fiction series and want to get caught up, click here.

(Clicking here will take you to part 2)

“Shh, just relax,” Karen instructed soothingly when Adelaide tried to speak.   “The pain you felt was from the incision.  You tried to move too quickly, and it’s not nearly healed.  I’m just going to check on it.” 

Addie did as she was told, and tried to relax and resume breathing normally while Karen pulled up her johnny and carefully eased back the dressing on Addie’s chest.  “Looks like everything is okay,” said Irene as she gingerly replaced the bandage.  “Try to get some rest, now.”

The next day, as promised, as soon as Adelaide had finished her breakfast of watery scrambled eggs and soggy wheat toast, Karen announced it was time for a walk.  She helped Addie into her bathrobe and slippers, and with the IV pole in tow, they ventured into the hallway.  The entrance to the solarium was at the end of the corridor, just 3 doors away and seemed an achievable goal.  With Karen’s help, Addie took a step forward.  After a couple of steps, she was a little more confident and had figured out how to keep her IV pole with her, and then she made it all the way to the Solarium.  Once inside, she sat down to rest.

“I’ll be back to get you in a few.  If you want to get back to your room sooner, just pick up the phone beside you.  It rings at the nurses’ station,” Karen offered as she left.   Happy to be away from the confines of her bed and the institutional green of her hospital room, Adelaide scanned her surroundings.

 The Solarium had large windows over-looking the Androscoggin river, where the sun’s rays were dancing on the waves.  In one corner an elderly lady with an oxygen tank attached to her wheel chair with its hose clamped to her nose sat reading what looked to be a well-worn Bible. 

In the opposite corner, just 2 chairs away, a thin grey-haired fellow with a pair of Red Sox pajamas, a frayed navy blue bathrobe, and red slippers who’d been gazing out the window turned and met her glance.  He flashed a winning smile at her and pointed to her IV pole.

“Looks like we keep the same company,” he observed.  Adelaide saw that he was also connected to an IV with an upside down packet of liquid slowly seeping into his arm.  “What are you in for?  I just had heart surgery a couple of days ago.”  His clear blue eyes smiled before his lips did, as she self-consciously reached up to pat her hair.  She suddenly wished she’d checked the mirror in her room before agreeing to venture out of the privacy of her room.

“I had a shunt installed in an artery,” she said, “I hadn’t even been aware there was a problem until I collapsed and ended up here in the emergency room.”  He nodded, as though he understood how she felt. 

 “You’re not the only one who had no warning.  I’d been feeling fine until my doctor decided I should take a stress test.  That treadmill experience ended with me being wheeled into surgery.  I’ll say one thing, it’s sure making me stop and think about what’s important.”  He stood, took a second to steady himself, and then wheeled his IV over to the chair next to hers.  “I’m Michael Chandler, by the way,” he said as he extended his hand in her direction.

“Glad to meet you, Michael.  I’m Adelaide Cunningham,” she replied as she reached out and shook his hand.  “My friends call me Addie.”

And so it began.  Michael and Adelaide chatted for an hour, until the nurse came to check on her.  He was very pleasant and Addie hadn’t enjoyed that much conversation with someone of the opposite sex since she retired from teaching, after her husband Paul died four years ago.  As it happened, that was another of several things she and Michael had in common; his wife had passed away 2 years ago. 

While Addie had one grown daughter, Michael and one grown son who was married and living on the west coast.  They both loved the tv show The Big Bang Theory; both were avid readers.  The place where they differed was in their love of sports.  Although both were basketball fans, she followed the Boston Celtics; he had become a Los Angeles Lakers fan after his son had taken him to one of their games when Michael had visited him 2 years ago. 

 “At least you’re a Red Sox fan,” Addie remarked as she pointed the to his bright red pajamas.  “That’s the only thing that prevents me from feeling I’m consorting with the enemy.”  He nodded and flashed another smile.  That smile warmed her to her toes. 

Just then Karen the charge nurse appeared and said, “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s time to get back in your bed, Mrs.  Cunningham.  We can’t have you overdo on your first day out of CCU.”  
(to be continued....)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

New Word Wednesday #38 ON THUSDAY!


Every time I comment on a website where I have to type a word verification to get my comment posted, I can't help but think,  "What a waste!  What could possibly be a very helpful word is now going to disappear and never be seen again." With all the attention being paid to "going green" in this country, I think it's time for bloggers to go green and recycle the letter combos used in word verification. (I personally did away with the process to eliminate the waste of words, but some people just aren't as conservation minded!)

I decided several weeks ago to start a meme called "New Word Wednesday", thus creating a dictionary of new words based on the letter combos that pop up in the word verification process. You may feel free to do the same, or to grab my words and use them. (You know, if you use a new word three times, it's in your vocabulary forever; at least that's what I've heard) Just think, we can learn new words and go green just by recycling/reusing the words that show up at comment time.

Here are this week's words:

auskeg:  (noun)  a small wooden container used for carrying beer in Australia; as in, "Nicole Kidman seldom ventured far without  her auskeg."

brummet:  (noun)  a soft, round muffin like scone made from bran and rum; as in, "Mother's brummets were a breakfast favorite."

coksmouc:  (noun) a small sock-like garment worn by men in the Arctic climates to keep their genitals warm; as in, "Rodney was glad when he went hunting in Newfoundland that he had remembered to wear his coksmouc."

egram:  (noun) a female grandparent who spends much time in the internet; as in, "Tanya occasionally reads her egram's blog."

ignerave:  (verb)  to spout untrue information due to ignorance; as in, "Rush Limbaugh has been know to ignerave about politics."

Don't  forget:  Use a word three times in a sentence and it's in your vocabulary forever!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Tuesday's PUNishments (ON WEDNESDAY!)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France, would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat say to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

 15. The midget fortuneteller who escaped from prison was at large.

 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 17. A backward poet writes inverse.

 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

When you're done groaning, have a great day!


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Men and Women Think Differently!

It's 6:30 a.m.   I am awakened by the sounds of Mr. Eva fumbling for something in the medicine cabinet.                                                                                

"Darn.  You woke me up.  I was cuddling under a blanket with Jim Rice,"  I groan.

"Did you ask him about the Red Sox?" inquires Mr. Eva.

"Huh?" I respond.

Mr. Eva repeats, "Did you ask him about the Red Sox?   Just like if you were in bed with Kevin Garnett--

You'd want to talk about the Celtics."

"Yeah, right,"  I mumble as I roll over and try to transport myself into that dream!
Mr. Eva and I are just not on the same page when it comes to sports.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Monday Musings

This past weekend was all about family.  We went to a  memorial service for Mr. Eva's sister in Millinocket, Maine, who passed away last spring.  Mr. E got to visit with several of his nieces and nephews at lunch and in the afternoon, and then we had dinner in the evening with his cousin Jimmy outside of Bangor.

On Saturday we zoned out for most of the day, as the trip to Millinocket was a long and tiring one.  Then on Saturday night we babysat two of my grandsons:

      Carter, who will turn 5 in December

    And Austin, who is 9 and a half.

I agreed to babysit reluctantly, because we were really exhausted from the previous day, but those two were a joy!   They were as good as gold for us.  They played games on their Wii that they'd brought with them, and then we watched the movie Ghostbusters and ate popcorn.  They were so well-behaved and never argued with each other even once.  They took turns playing the games, and each surrendered the controls voluntarily when his turn was up.

They did not at all act like the little devils they appear to be in the above photo!

Then on Sunday, we wanted to attend our 7 year old granddaughter Allie's soccer game.  We drove to the game, but could not park anywhere close to the field where her game was taking place, so instead we went to her house after the game to congratulate her on her team's win.  
She understood that we missed the game because her Papa Joe's knees don't permit him to walk long distances and seemed content that we paid her a visit at home.  And guess what?  Allie likes to write stories; she was working on one in between watching a movie on the tv.   (A future blogger in the making?)

Her big brother Nick who's 10 and a half was mowing the lawn for his Dad.  
It wasn't a small job...the lawn is huge.  This is part of the back lawn, and there's more on the front side of the house.   He takes his job very seriously.

We enjoyed spending time with family, especially the grandkids!  I was really tired after all that and went to bed by 10:00 last night!

Did you have a good weekend?


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sundays in My Neck of the Woods

Just off the Maine Turnpike at 530 Cold Brook Road, in Herman, Maine, it a great place called Dysart's Truck Stop.

It is literally a truck stop; there are rows of gas pumps, a truck wash bay, a huge convenience store, shower facilities, laundry facilities, a 'truckers' lounge', and a full service restaurant.  The place was founded in 1940 and has grown in size, service, and popularity over the years.

Inside the restaurant section there's an old pickup truck, all spiffed up and decked out as a bakery display of all the wonderful homemade baked goods available there such as breads, pies, muffins, rolls, biscuits, and cookies.

The front end of an old truck all painted and polished over-looks the dining room.  Because truck drivers often travel alone, there are long tables to encourage socializing, as well as smaller tables to pick from if one prefers.

Mr. Eva and I had eaten a late lunch, so we weren't terribly hungry.  We had planned to meet Mr. Eva's cousin for dinner.   This seafood chowder, with lots of chunks of fish, potatoes, and onions in a thick, creamy broth was all it took to satisfy his taste buds, along with a nice yeast roll, fresh from the oven.

I chose homemade vegetable soup, brimming with celery, carrots, peas, green beans, tomatoes, some pasta and a few kidney beans.  It was piping hot and delicious! 

 And the fresh-from-the-oven homemade biscuit served with it was to die for!  It was so huge I ended up eating only half of it!

Cousin Jim had baked beans, coleslaw, and one of those yeast rolls: perfection!

Though we were too full for dessert, we took home slices of the incredible pies:  Mr. Eva opted for Banana Cream and I chose Coconut Cream from a list of about a dozen different choices.  Although I didn't take photos of the pie, since they were already in closed containers when we received them, I can assure you they were heavenly!

We looked back wistfully as we drove away, wishing the truck stop wasn't 2 and a half hours away from our home!  It's a place we'd stopped before, and we definitely will stop at again when we're in that neck of the woods.

Note:  We were not compensated for this review,  although cousin Jim paid for our dinners


Saturday, September 17, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Did you know????
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. 

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.  The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most
exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.  They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.  They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.  The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a
label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.  And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max
-- on the controls.

I can hear your groans from here. Control yourself!!!


Daily Exercise Routine For Seniors!

This is a 2" X 4" block of wood  

In case you are having difficulty reading what it says:

1.  Place block on floor in center of room.

2.  Walk around block twice; sit down and relax.

3.  If any asks, Have you exercised today?  Tell them you walked around the block, twice!


Did you ever notice: The Roman numerals for forty (40) are XL?

I'm just sayin'


The Man of the House

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.'

 He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

 After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'



Yesterday I was at my local Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Mitzi, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.  What did she think, I had an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.   I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.   (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle
and a car hit me.  I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Sam's Club doesn't want me to shop there anymore.


Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Fiction: Love is Where You Find It. 2

Note:  If you missed part one of this story last week, go back and read it here.

When Adelaide came to, she heard a beep, beep coming from somewhere behind her, and she was in an unfamiliar bed.  She opened her eyes to see a large, pleasant-faced woman in a nurse’s uniform peering down at her.
“Welcome back to the land of the living, Mrs. Cunningham,” the nurse smiled, as she removed the oxygen tube that had been helping Addie breathe from the side of her mouth.  

“Where am I? What happened?’ Adelaide inquired weakly. 

“Dr. Winston will fill you in; I just buzzed him.”

At the sound of footsteps, Adelaide turned to see Doc Winston, in light blue scrubs approaching her bed.  “You are in the Coronary Care Unit at Meadowview Hospital,” said the doctor “because you had a heart attack.  Luckily, your daughter dialed 911 and the EMT’s started working on you within ten minutes of her call, which is why you are here.  They had you stabilized by the time you arrived at Emergency.  An MRI determined you had a blockage in a blood vessel near your heart and we operated immediately and installed a shunt.  You’ll be here for several days, and you’ll need to recover in a stress-free environment for a while after that.

“Stress-free?  That’s not likely to happen,” thought Adelaide as she dimly remembered Felicia and how they had been at each other’s throats.

It was as though Dr. Winston could read her mind.  “I met Felicia, by the way.  She tells me that she and her daughter have been living with you.  From the vibes I picked up, I have a feeling that going back there with her is not likely to be the stress free environment I had in mind.  You may want to weigh your alternatives.”  With a smile and a nod, he exited the room.

Adelaide spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep.  The IV in her arm was delivering pain medication which was making her feel wonderfully afloat.  Even though the automatic blood pressure cuff on her arm would inflate automatically periodically, it wasn’t enough to keep her fully awake.  

By the second day, in the CCU, Adelaide had become accustomed to the activity.  At frequent intervals, the nurse would come in, check her vital signs, replace the IV bags, and tend to her needs.  Adelaide closed her eyes.  She seemed just so tired.  The anesthesia had worn off and her pain medication dosage had been decreased enough for her to be lucid. 

“Come on, it’s time to get up for a bit,” a nurse with the name tag which read Irene said.   It seemed unbelievable to her that so soon after surgery, she would be expected to get up, but get up she did.  She felt wobbly, but with Irene’s help she was able to sit in the chair next to her bed.  While she sat there, her bedding was changed and after a while, Irene assisted her back into bed.  Sighing from exhaustion, she closed her eyes. 

“We’re moving today,” announced Irene, the next morning when she came in the room to take Addie’s vital signs.  “Dr. Winston says you no longer need to be in CCU.”

“What does that mean,” inquired Addie.

“It means you no longer need to have this blood pressure cuff on all the time, and we can get rid of one of your IVs.  The heart monitor will need to stay for another day, but you’ll be getting rid of some of this paraphernalia and you’ll have a room by yourself.” 

The move was uneventful; Addie didn’t even have to get out of bed; they just wheeled her bed out of the room, down the hall to the elevator, and then into her new “digs.”  There was a second bed in the room, but it was unoccupied.  Once again, she was assisted in getting out of bed and sat in a chair for a while.  It was nice to be sitting up;  she’d never realized being on your back all the time could be so tiring.

“Tomorrow, we’ll take a walk,” a new nurse called Karen promised (or was it a warning?).  “You need to get moving again so you don’t lose your strength entirely.” 

“How can I walk while attached to this IV?”

“It’s on wheels,” Irene assured her.  “You’ll see.  We’ll just walk to the end of the hall to the Solarium.”

There was a knock at the open door, and Addie turned her head to see Felicia.  She was holding her mother’s overnight bag.

“I brought your bathrobe and a few other things the nurse said you’d need.  I hope you’re not going to be in here long, because it’s a pain in the ass to have to drop Betsy with her father so I can get here.  It seems this place has a ban on babies visiting CCU…..something about germs and infections.  You picked one hell of a time to have a heart attack!”  Felicia grumbled. 

At first Adelaide thought her daughter was trying to be funny; but, no, she was dead serious.  There wasn’t a hint of a smile on her lips or in her eyes.   The girl was actually annoyed at her for having this heart attack and upsetting her routine! 

“You’re serious.  Acting like I got sick just to make things difficult for you,” Adelaide commented.

“It’s sure an amazing coincidence!   Betsy and I need you, and you just happen to conveniently have a heart attack,” Felicia retorted.

In anger, Addie tried to sit up and suddenly had a tight pain in her chest.  The heart monitor started to beep and Irene rushed to her side.  “Get out of here, now!” Karen ordered as she helped her patient to lie back down.  “I said, get out,” she repeated with a glare the visitor couldn’t ignore.   Dropping the bag with disdain, Felicia turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.
(to be continued)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

DIY Botox?

Where's the Beef?

Janet Hardt, 63, of Homewood, Illinois, died shortly after having injected hot beef fat into her face around her mouth and chin.  The woman had received several facial surgeries from legitimate plastic surgeons in the past, but apparently developed her own method to rid herself of wrinkles.

 She had on more than one occasion boiled beef down, extracted the fat, and injected the warm liquid under her skin, in what she apparently saw as problem areas. Friends say she was addicted to this Do-It-Yourself wrinkle removing process.

According to plastic surgeons, there are many people who attempt to simulate botox treatments on their own by injecting silicone, baby oil, and other substances into their faces.  These medical professionals stress that one should never inject non-FDA approved substances under the skin, and absolutely should not try to "self-administer" in an attempt to save money.

The biggest risk from self-administered injections of non-FDA approved substances is infection.  Ms. Hardt had some scarring and disfigurement from her previous DIY procedures.   On this particular occasion, she ended up in the hospital because she said her face felt like it was burning.  Doctors say that is consistent with symptoms of infection.

Interestingly enough, Janet Hardt did not die from her beef fat hits; an autopsy revealed that she had peritonitis, a serious abdominal inflamation unrelated to her cosmetic efforts, and the death was determined to be from natural causes.

Friends and neighbors admitted that her face was tight and had few wrinkles, although recent infections and scar tissue had rendered it grotesque.

(photo courtesy of the Shorewood Patch website, Joseph Hosey.)

Experts say there are websites which will instruct you on how to self-administer injections but remind people that such procedures are unsafe unless performed in  a medical setting by a licensed plastic surgeon.

Personally, I think I'll take my steak on a plate.  As for my trip on this highway called life--it hasn't always been easy, and some parts of that road were a bit uneven and missing macadam, but these wrinkles I've earned are mine;  I'll wear them proudly.  And I'll limit the beef injections to the kind that involve Mr. Eva, thank you very much!

I probably will keep any eye out at the meat counter though, to see who's taking advantage of sales on fatty beef.   Then I'll check their faces for wrinkles!