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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Sex Ed Day, Part 2

If you read Monday's post, then you know I was doing my best to inform everyone of the different types of sex.     If you missed that post, you may want to click the link and go back and get informed!

Today's post is for those ancient older souls among us who find themselves single again for whatever reason and thinking about approaching intimacy with someone new.  When my classmate sent this to me on email, I knew it was my duty to share it, in keeping with my desire to educate.  (note:  This is printed in larger font for those who find themselves visually challenged for easier reading:)

 Lovemaking Tips For Seniors


1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. If you live in senior housing, make all the noise you want . . . the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

22 comments:

David Allen Waters said...

ah ha...set a timer, thats what I've been doing wrong ;)

AgingGal said...

You are a laugh riot, Miss Eva! Aging Gal

Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lane said...

You forgot this one: Before you try anything, make sure you take off your Depends.

Thanks for this most informative post. I think I will now stick my head in the oven so I'll never have to worry about this issue.

Brian Miller said...

lol...ooo miss footloose, yikes...i am getting turned on just thinking about what i have to look forward to you know...smiles.

Tania B said...

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Tania

Kristy said...

Hilarious - numbers 2 and 7!

Sue said...

I think I can relate to this one a little too much, and I'm only 59!

;)

cailen ascher said...

haha very funny! and thanks for stopping by my SITS feature today - i appreciate the support

cheers!
cailen
www.lifestylemaven.org

Kelley said...

This was so funny but made me a little queasy! My mother-in-law just got divorced from my father-in-law after 38 years and is dating again. I can only imagine that she'd like this list and...ewww!!!

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* Great post. BTW I love the theme of your website. You have a great sense of humour. Stopping by from SITS (finally ;).

She Writes said...

Name on the hand. I will keep this one in mind in case I find myself boyfriendless in old age!

Pat said...

These certainly made ME chuckle!

tsonodablog said...

Hilarious! How'd you know about my sex life? You are brilliant! LMFAO

Eva Gallant said...

Zeemaid: Thanks for dropping by!

SheWrites: It also comes in handy if you have too much too drink!

Terri: Thanks, again!

Lori Dyan said...

I read that as use LIGHTNING to set the mood...both could work in a pinch! :-) Love your blog!

rosaria said...

Oh you!

Eva Gallant said...

Missfootloose: I don't know how I forgot that one! It certainly is key!

AgingGal: Thanks!

Lori: You've got that right!

rosaria: Hope these were helpful!

The Frisky Virgin said...

LOL LOL LOL That's hilarious!!!! Loved the "Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)" lol

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: At my age, that's no joke!

JD @ Honest Mom said...

VERY funny! Sadly, a lot of those tips apply to exhausted parents of young children, too. ;-)

Augies Vintage Finds said...

You are one funny gal! I look forward to more posts!

Deb @ http://augiesvintagefinds.blogspot.com

Kelley said...

That first one made me laugh out loud!!! Ha! Yeah, it's best if they're in the bed. Ha!

(Thanks for linking this up over at #findingthefunny last week!)