Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Tuesday's PUNishments (ON WEDNESDAY!)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France, would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat say to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

 15. The midget fortuneteller who escaped from prison was at large.

 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 17. A backward poet writes inverse.

 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

When you're done groaning, have a great day!



Linda Kish said...

Groan is exactly the response I came up with. I don't know where you find these but I love them. Thanks.

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...i enjoyed them actually....have a great day eva!

River said...

Ha Ha these are funny! Thanks for cheering me up.

David Allen Waters said...

hahahahha I've had many a moment like number 13...duh ;) lol

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Haha HAAA!! !!!Math disruption. Hahahaaaaaa

Kristy said...

Love #9!

tsonodablog said...

Faves 3, 9, 13 and 14. Groan. Snort. LMAO Love em.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I must remember number 13 for my trips to the ballpark next summer. We sit just behind home plate, and foul balls often come screaming at us. Fortunately, there's Annette. I mean, a net.

Al Penwasser said...

These are great!
You hear the one about the blind hooker? You hadda hand it to her.

Reeni said...

All hilarious - I'm especially fond of keep off the grass and the seasoned veteran! So cute.

Laurie Kolp said...

Thanks for the laughs, Eva.

Kelley said...

Okay, these are really good!! Ha!

Pat said...

I loved them all!

Sue said...

Terrific stuff!