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Monday, October 24, 2011

Mother Goose Rhymes for Seniors

An updated Jack and Jill:

Can't read the print on the cartoon?

Jack and Jill jogged  up the hill, 
Their breath came faster and faster.
Before the top, they made a stop
Narrowly averting a myocardial disaster!

*****************************

A woman of a certain age is no longer wondering where her little dog has gone; she has other problems!

In case you couldn't read the above:


Oh where, oh where has my estrogen gone?
Oh where oh where can it be?

I was once young and fair, 
Now I sprout facial hair--
Oh, hormones please come back to me!

**********************************

Jack Spratt's wife is now a widow turning 50!

Again, the words above:

Poor Mrs. Fifty was not feeling nifty, 
Eating her low-fat Swiss cheese.

When she was twenty, she used to eat plenty
And never gained weight round her knees!

*************************


Twinkle, Twinkle now has a new Wrinkle!
(This one is dedicated to Al Penwasser!)

Rhyme:

Tinkle, tinkle in a jar; yearly check-up, here you are.

My LDL is much to high; I'm sure my pressure's reached the sky.

Why's his finger up so far?  I wish I'd never left my car!

*********************************



Mother Hubbard's cupboard isn't the only thing that's bare!

For those who are having trouble reading the print:

Middle-aged Mervin went to the surgeon
To affix to his scalp some new hair.

But when he awoke, he looked worse than a joke, 
And he wished that he'd left his head bare!

***********************

Not sure which rhyme this is!

words from the cartoon:

I wrinkle, I crinkle, 
I no longer twinkle--
How did this come so soon?

Just yesterday I was thirty-one--
I'm fifty-four next June!

******************

This could be another Twinkle, Twinkle--I'm not sure, but I sure identify with the topic!

rhyme:

Stock market, stock market,
I'm down on my knees;
You've got to recover,
I'm begging you please!

I'd gotten use to easy cash,
My wife and I had quite a stash.

Stock market, stock market,
Please go higher.
If you crash, we can never retire!

***************************

And in closing:


IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD



Well, CRAP!!!


Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!
.
EVA

22 comments:

Unknown Mami said...

I'm going to start reading these to my kids.

Kristina P. said...

So much better than the originals!

tsonodablog said...

All funny stuff, and all, sadly...pertinent to my age demographic. Oh there I go again, mixing school with blogging. Sorry. This stuff was funny! And I still feel old. Now back to the books.

Ruth said...

I should know the wrinkle, crinkle one. It's in one of Kiddo's old books, but it is boxed up.
Oh, and I hate facial hair.

Sue said...

I can definitely relate to these fractured mother goose rhymes.

Fun!

=)

A Joyful Noise said...

Great take on retirement and growing older. Just never grow OLD, only a bit older.

River said...

these are so very funny!

I don't mind growing older, so far it isn't too bad. (I'm heading towards 60)
Just the arthritis and a few unexplained aches, probably from lifting too much at work. I even don't mind the grey hair.

Brian Miller said...

hehe...these are a riot...and i guess i will get all them one day...smiles.

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

Cute! Some of these I've seen before, some not. There are so many funny, creative souls out there on the interweb.

Gail said...

Funny, sad but true!

rosaria said...

Laughter is a great medicine!

Bossy Betty said...

Very cute!!!

What else was I going to write here? Oh damn, I think I just forgot.

Nancy Thompson said...

TOOOO funny! I especially love that last one about the stock market. That is so me right now. And I have a kid going away to college next year. Yikes! But yeah, getting older kinda sucks a little bit though I don't think I'd want to be a young person in this economy.

Sela Toki said...

Almost flipped over my chair laughing. I love your sense of humor and oh so thank you for dropping by on my blog. So grateful to have SITS to link us all. I'm definitely following. You are awesome.

Al Penwasser said...

These are great!

If I may...
"It is green.
It's humongous.
Socks with sandals?
Hides my toe fungus.

The End.

Ann On and On... said...

I can always count on you to make me smile! :)

Sara said...

This is classic. I am going to share this with my Nana she will get a kick out of it.

She Writes said...

Sometimes I come here to laugh and get scared instead :)!

Jen said...

Perfect for a Monday!!

Eva Gallant said...

rosaria: I agree!

Sela: So glad you returned my visit!

Sara: Say hello to your Nana for me!

SheWrites: Sorry about that!

Jen: Thanks!

Terri: So glad I was "pertinent to your demographic!"

The Frisky Virgin said...

Brilliant!!! :)

Eva Gallant said...

Frisky: I only wish I could take the credit!