Saturday, October 1, 2011

Saturday Silliness

The Reading of the Will

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament:

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

"To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.

"To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

"And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."

Married Men:

At a wedding party recently and just after the floral boquet had been thrown to the single ladies, someone called out for: "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was crushed to death.




Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,

Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

 Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.


Take the doctor's approach.  Think about it...
When you go for a shot, what do they do first?
clean your arm with alcohol...
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona
Celery in my Bloody Mary
Drink outdoors on the patio bar
(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh
(eliminate stress)
Then pass out.

The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!
My mother always said, 
'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!'

Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much



Queenie Jeannie said...

Lovin' your funnies! Great job!

Domesticated Gal said...

Thanks for the laugh - its a great way to start a Saturday...even at this hour of the morning!

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

I loved 'Secrets to a Happy Marriage'!!!

Brian Miller said...

lol...funny stuff...have a wonderful saturday eva!

Al Penwasser said...

Jack has died? So, basically, the reading of the will was a "Jack Off"?

River said...

That last one really spoke to (recovering) me. Such a shame I don't like alcohol...

David Allen Waters said...

another fun filled saturday, thank u my friend :)

SherilinR said...

i need to get outside & have a few drinks. now i know it'll be beneficial to my health.

tsonodablog said...

"Live Well. Laugh often. Love much".......this is where I "want" to be in my life. Working on it.
Hope your weekend is going well my friend!

Pat said...

"A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!" Words to live by my friend, words to live by!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: You, too, girl!

Come At Me Bro said...

This is great!

Sue said...

Every one of these was hilarious.