Saturday, October 22, 2011

Saturday Silliness

A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.  Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."


Complete and Finished - what's the difference?

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words 'complete' and 'finished' in a way that's so easy to understand:

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. But, there is an explanation, as told by a New Englander.

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!


A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!' 


Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.     Sam Ewing

Letters to and from prison:

"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

A few days later he received a letter from prison from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,




Brian Miller said...

adams underwear hehe

ha on the digging the garden...

River said...

I love the digging the garden bed one. It always gets a laugh out of me.

Complete = all, whole, entire..

Finished = ended, over, completed.

As you can plainly see complete and finished only have the same meaning when complete becomes completeD.

photobyholly said...

These are great! I got a good chuckle out of all of them! :D

Sue said...

I said it before and I'll say it again. You find such GOOD jokes. I don't even like jokes, usually. But yours are primo.


ipenka said...

Adams underwear...haha, hope it was washed!

The garden digging was very smart.

rosaria said...

You always leave a smile on my face.

Jen said...

Good ones, Eva. You succeed every Saturday!!~!

Kelley said...

Loved the one with the boyfriend sliding under the table. Ha! I felt like I was watching a Carol Burnett show skit for some reason while I was reading it.

Eva Gallant said...

Holly: Glad you liked them!

ipenka: A dirty fig leaf? lol

rosaria: I try!

Jen: You are too kind!

Pat said...

And now I know the difference between "complete" and "finish". Thank YOU!

Unknown Mami said...

He just walked in the door...pretty funny.

tsonodablog said...

HA! Loved the complete and finished one. Good stuff!

Laurie Kolp said...

haha... all very funny... thanks for the laugh, Eva

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Love giving you a chuckle!

Eva Gallant said...

Terri: Love giving you a chuckle!