Saturday, October 29, 2011

Saturday Silliness


A divorcee never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why. 

"The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained.

Taking her mother's hand in hers, the daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."


The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be? 

'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.


Catholic Golf?

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off
and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said "Darn, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Darn, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing,"
the nun said tartly..

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going

to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
"Darn, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. 

And from the sky comes a booming voice

"Darn, I missed."

Only in Alabama

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin' on the front porch
drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by."I'm gonna do dat when I win the lottery," said Bubba."Do what?" asked Johnny Ray."Send my grass out to be mowed."




JeannetteLS said...

I sure am no carry on, but I do think that this is part of why I wouldn't want, at 59, to start from scratch with someone else's.

I have enough carrying my own! (And I don't think many men out there would want mine either!)

I have found increasingly, though, flying solo can be a hell of a lot of fun!

Unknown Mami said...

I am most certainly not a carry on. I have been known to carry on and on though.

Sue said...

Once again, a very good batch!


River said...

Like JeanetteLS; I'm happy to be carrying on solo too. Excess baggage here!
Pearly Gates jokes are always great.
Darn, I missed! hahahahaha

Brian Miller said...

haha...they prayed when he flew...yeah i think i know him...or at least flew with him once or ten times...

Al Penwasser said...

And, what's worse, Saint Peter didn't give Father Bob any legs.
The good father looks like a hand puppet.
Of course, Jack looks too big to fit into his airplane.

Sela Toki said...

Love it. The carry on and the dead priest. LOL.

tsonodablog said...

"Darn I missed" <----priceless! ROFLMFAO! Love it.

Jen said...

I liked the golf game........good ones,Eva.....

Ruth said...

Only in Alabama- LOL :D

Eva Gallant said...

Sela: Glad I tickled your funny bone!

Terri: Thanks for the shout out on twitter again!

Jen: Hope you had a good chuckle!

ipenka said...

Haha, funny. The pilot and pray one was my favorite. By that standard in my life...

-Scary Driving Instructor at 16
-GF's Father
-CPA Exam Proctor
-Lady doing makeup on freeway

Will be going to heaven. The prayers involved some variation of "Please don't kill me" and "Please let me pass".

Kelley said...

They were all so good but I really love the one about sending the grass out to be mowed! Ha!

Mom Fashion World said...

I enjoyed reading this post...made me laugh :-)

I'm your newest follower in GFC from the Blog Hop.
Please feel free to visit my blog. Looking forward to seeing you there, and would love a follow me back. Thanks!

Eva Gallant said...

ipenka: I like the way you think! lol

MomFashion: Thanks for visiting! Hope you enjoy my blog. Loved your photos!