"Sex Club for Swingers Discovered in Sanford." While I'm impressed with the alliteration (one of my favorite writing quirks!), I'm floored that this activity was going on just 40 minutes away from me in a former Knights of Columbus Hall, no less, and I was totally unaware! Never once did we get an invite! Perhaps they discriminate against old farts...I'm not sure.
Anyway, it seems the police went undercover (or would that be uncovered?), attended a party at "Mousam View Place," and got QUITE the view! There were lots of naked people engaging in various sex acts, free-flowing booze, cats and dogs living together....(the later being my conjecture, entirely). I'm sure the Fuzz must have made a THOROUGH investigation! It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!
The owners of the building at one time had a catering business at the location, prior to getting involved in funny business. Turns out, they did not have a license to run a sex-related industry there, and have been informed that they must end all such shenanigans.
In an attempt to uncover more information on the situation, I Googled "Sex Club for Swingers." Holy Crap! Hundreds came up! I had no idea. This knowledge caused me to do some serious soul-searching. Would I ever join such a club? In the end, I came up with
The Top Ten Reasons I Won't Join a Sex Club:
10. The climate in Maine from September thru June is just not conducive to nakedness.
9. Goose bumps make me look fat
8. The urge to pee is more frequent when I'm cold.
7. Without undies, no place to park my Poise pad.
6. Okay, my debit card might stay put under my naked boob, but where would I put my car keys?
5. Tanning may cause cancer. (And who would go anywhere naked without a tan?)
4. Walking around barefoot, in a place where others are barefoot, could result in athlete's foot.
3. I have a tendency to spill snacks on myself; this could make for a sticky me.
2. My poor mother would roll over in her grave, and I'd probably have to dodge lightning!
And the Number 1 reason I wouldn't join a sex club for swingers:
1. I've seen me naked; it's not a sight I care to share freely!
I guess I'll confine my exciting activities to blogging. It's much less risky and much more comfortable!