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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Memory Loss
                    


Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses...


She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"


The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."


She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"


The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen
table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," she knocked on wood.


She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


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An elderly Lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.


The operator said, "Stay calm An officer is on the way."


A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."

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SUPERSEX


A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."


He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, " I'll take the soup."

_____________________________________

ROMANCE


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck.." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked..


"To get my teeth!"

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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE


80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

_____________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

DRIVING




Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"


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Have a great weekend!

EVA

14 comments:

Aging gal said...

Funny as always!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

"Oh! Am I driving?" This has to be my favorite punchline of the lot - I'm not there yet but I think I'm getting close.

Brian Miller said...

lol...had heard the first but a great group of laughs to go to bed on...

River said...

I laughed at the three sisters, then thought that Bessie must be quite desperate and finally reminded myself to never get in a car if Mildred is driving.

Al Penwasser said...

I also laughed out loud at the three sisters.
But...."I'll take the soup." Great!
Part of me is looking forward to my "20 years from now" self. I look forward to creating my own stories. If I can remember.

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

These were all new chuckles for me this morning. Funny how old people jokes become funnier, the older we get.

Jen said...

Good ones, Eva.....always a good laugh, especially Dat. mornings......lol

Pat said...

These are great! I'm going to print them out and read them at our next get together! Thanks for sharing them!

Sela Toki said...

My favorite is the "teeth" one. LOL. Thanks for the weekend laughs. Have a good one yourself

Laurie Kolp said...

lol- Thanks for the laughs!

Eva Gallant said...

AgingGal: Glad you got a chuckle!

Jen: You deserve the credit this time!

Sela: Thanks!

tsonodablog said...

Some of the best and funniest yet, Eva! That first one had me in stitches, and it got even better from there. Too dang funny...

Sue said...

I know I keep saying it, but where do you find all these great jokes? Not a clunker in the bunch.

=)

Eva Gallant said...

terri: You are way too kind to me! But glad I make you smile!