Saturday, November 26, 2011

Saturday Silliness

Wisdom from Grandpa.

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

When a man marries a woman, they become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, make beds, is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders!



Yesterday my son asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. He suggested I go down to the senior centre and hang out with the girls. I did this and when I got home last night I told him that I had joined a parachute club.

He said "Are you nuts? You're almost 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed him that I even got a membership card.

He said to me, "You are crazy, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.


A 30 year old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time.  With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.  It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle..

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.  Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.



Terri Sonoda said...

O.M.G. that Walmart one was hilarious. Good stuff!

Ruth said...

I love them! My favorite is the man with the horse sense.

Brian Miller said...

haha love the heroic walmart greeter...smiles.

ArtMuseDog and Carol said...

Gotta have a sense of humor ~ Retirement I decided is I am suppose to be having fun ~ Now trying to recondition my brain that it is okay to 'play' and even just sit and 'be' sometimes ~ LOL ~ thanks for a great blog ~ Carol ( A Creative harbor) linked w/ New England Blogger ~ and my 2nd blog is Share the Creative Journey ~ Enjoy the weekend!

Sue said...

These are even better than usual. I loved the marriage ones especially.


River said...

Oh Dear God! The Walmart horse has me shaking my head in disbelief. The others are funny too, but that one takes the cake.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Shoulders still going up and down and laughing. Loved the one about the Old Nag.

Adam said...

Funny stuff, especially the wal-mart one

Pat said...

Love the Walmart Greeter one - hysterical!

I just might have to join that Prostitute, oops, I mean, Parachute Club!